All posts by Marie Abanga

I am a young, dynamic and entrepreneurial mum of 3 boys. Determination, Discipline+Dedication= my motto. l am on a journey, one to become a personal and emotional well being coach of reference and a dynamic mental health advocate as well as motivational speaker. lt is worth it and life has only been this tough but good. There is strength in what remains, check out my sensational memoir about my unconventional loves and life. To sum up, I am every woman, a determined, disciplined and dedicated woman of faith. Trying times are not times to quit trying. I love my family and my cat Ella. I love music, sports, conversations about all or nothing, travelling, cooking and why not dancing! I am spiritual and and God fearing to put it plain and simple.

Prayer for My Sons


Prayer for my sons

Dear World, on this last day of April and a Sunday befitting for sharing a prayer, I share the prayer I was inspired to write for my sons and put up on my ‘War Room’. Whoever has watched the movie War Room will understand what I am talking about. I think you can find it on youtube – here is a link. The fun is, I already had what I call a prayer wall before recently watching that movie, it was actually referred to me when my cousin saw my prayer wall in my room. It is on that wall that I have my personal prayer, our affirmation and rules and etc. I share all this to inspire and motivate. Living is tough, Dying is tough, we need special Grace to cope with both. I am so grateful for the special and Amazing Grace I keep having from my Almighty Father and the support be it directly or indirectly of all those He puts on my path. Sometimes, even a toxic relationship teaches you and helps you so much.

Here is to a happy sunday for us all

Joys & Challenges of Single Motherhood: My Story P3


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The winning team: The joys outweigh the challenges big time

Hello world, the weekend is here and as I promised when I started sharing my single motherhood journey, here is the part three on some joys and challenges. The joys outweigh the challenges although for this post I kept the number for pro and con equal.

When you get lemons in life, do the best lemonade you can and look out for profit.

Shalom and happy weekend to us all

In Our Home: Affirmations and Rules to get our team going


In our Home affirmation and rules

Hello world, I am sharing the above for inspiration and motivation.  I became a mother over 13 years ago, but can only candidly say I have a home since February 2016. I mean a home with my boys. When I was still married, I never sincerely thought of home like I do now, and didn’t involve my boys in the running/management or concertation of home matters. On the 6th of March 2017, I got the above inspiration and shared same with them. We all agreed those were good affirmations and rules to help our team get by. I am so grateful for all the transformation in my life and the boys I am raising one day and Grace at a time – Amen

Here is to hoping some parents especially single mothers out there are inspired and motivated by my journey alongside my team.

Please Parents: leave the Children out of your fights…Please…


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I know I know easier said than done.

On a very personal note, I am so grateful I found that enormous strength to not involve my children in my ‘fights’ with their dad. I had a small choice when fleeing in 2011 to remove them and ‘hide’ them or give them away – but I decided to sacrifice my ego for their ‘right to their other parent’. Gladly today, there are no more fights and I am even open to co-parenting although that is a dream considering what I know and what the current status quo is.

Back to these fights between parents and the children brought in, it is sad what I have witnessed in life and what follows those children into adulthood.

I watch this movie starring Diana Ross “Double Platinum”, the child was estranged from her mother allegedly ‘for her own good’. The mother’s crime had been that she had uped and fled to pursue her career since her husband was having nothing of it. Now, that dad was hurt the daughter was even considering moving to New York with her mum who had ‘abandonned’ her all these years… Is it the man she left or her daughter? Even if it was her daughter what prevents reconciliation?

On a most personal note once more and as written in my memoirs, I stopped trying to understand what happened with my parents (or between them), and I started trying to have the best relationship I could with each of them in their own measure. I am not chosing one over the other, they are the only mother and father I have. I mean, the approaches to our relationships are different and sometimes go through their own shenanigans and all, but I want to have a relationship with both of them without feeling guilty of letting the one down. When we were kids, I feel we were brought into their fights especially by my father who had the upper hand financially and economically. I think he has learnt his lessons and at 72 he ain’t getting any younger.

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My Brother and I both loved our parents so much  – He never got to have a relationship with my dad, I am not losing out on that equally in his memory

If a child decides to go ‘No contact’ with a parent for their own reasons, that is one thing … but the feel ‘pressured’ to ‘staw away’ physically, emotionally or even spiritually from one parent is outright wrong.

I thank God for the Grace to not make my boys feel or go through that. My house is open both to their dad(s) and the in laws. We are on good terms and they do stop by to see the boys – or call them on phone.

If it is the parent who decides to stay away, not call or not want them to come over … it their loss (not on my conscience). Taking care on your mental wellbeing and helping your child do same is very important in my modest opinion. Don’t make it harder for them please…

I need my both parents

Happy midweek to you all

If happiness were a crime…


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This is why I really try to stay Merry Marie

If happiness were a crime

Then I rather be a felon

Hoping 4 the longest sentence

To last my life time

If happiness were a crime

As it rampantly seems

I’ll seek all plea bargains

If it gets to that point

I feel happiness is a crime

The way some happy are bashed

Seems happiness is to be shunned

Selflessness and service ; carrying your cross

But I beg to differ

Will rather a rebel be

If selfless makes me unhappy

Selfish & happy instead I forge

Some crimes are for the better

Matters not what the law says

Or how some will feel about you

Maybe that’s your sanity at stake

Rather happiness than pity

Empathy and not sympathy

My present circumstances

matter not to my happiness gauge

I’ll really rather be a happy criminal

Ama happy to keep fit
Exercise, one of those activities which make me so happy

I rebaptised Merry Marie…

Know yourself & to thyself be true…

Bibliotherapeutic: all the way from maralago


What better gift on another stressful day? My first son has malaria and the doctor was near appalling.

I now have to find time to do that book justice. I pray for traffic jams so I can read in the cab for hours lol

I mean with such an autograph… What can disturb your evening?

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If you want to find out why that sate is significant, get the epic book: am at 50% already I don’t know how am doing the reading lol

Update (26.04.17/ 3.05 pm)

  1. I just finished the super epic memoir; I have never laughed as hard when reading a memoir;
  2. As a single mother, Trevor’s tribute to his mother goes straight to my soul;
  3. I don’t know if I ‘ll get to doing a review, I think the book already has thousands of them on the amazon;
  4. My Son is fine and did attend some school today

 

Emotional and Mental Preparation goes a long way I advocate


I am just back from a trip and I did share some update on Friday and Saturday.

For the main part of the trip and a personal mission, I had prepared myself emotionally and mentally intensely for a week. I knew organizing a medical mission targeting 500 – 1000 beneficiaries was no joke. Yet, all and I mean much did not depend on me. So I was ready to sleep late and deal – heal from overwhelming scenarios as much as I could. Glad to say I lost my cool only once on the DDay.

Today Sunday, was another day however and I had not prepared emotionally and mentally for the day’s events. I wasn’t even aware of  the program up to the last hours. You can imagine how that shook my mind already so frail. I couldn’t make it and yet I was stuck there and had to wait. I was so tired and slept a little but my thoughts of getting back home and my disrupted routine kept bugging me.

I finally got home 5 mins ago and it is 10.30 pm here. My normal sleep time is 9 pm. Yesterday I missed that but I was prepared, today I am not. I have to deal with it. I hope writing my worries down like this with help me. Maybe I will also go drink some hot chocolate, I believe it helps soothe me. 

I know some will say in life you have to be flexible and adapt and face stuffs like a ‘normal’ person. I am not a ‘normal’ person; diagnosis is not what will make me believe I am/or confirm that I am not … Whatever normal person is. I feel more and more mentally taxed by what will otherwise be ‘normal’ to others. Not being able to be ahead of my program or to even know what is planned and well ahead of time, drives me to an edge. Not sleeping on time, not eating what am used to, too much noise and different reactions from people are taxing now more than ever. Sometimes, even an hour’s preparation can do, but I need to be ready in my mind.

I wasn’t like this before. Maybe youthfulness and the ‘people pleaser’ in me made me  very flexible and outgoing etc. I have been through stuffs since then which have plainly caused such trauma; going on nowadays,  my mind gets scared of future foreseeable ‘trauma’ which may be caused by I don’t what… Sometimes I am scared I am becoming emotionally and mentally frail to a not so good edge. Maybe that’s why I try so much self care you know… I don’t want to rely on meds. Hence I need to prepare myself emotionally and mentally well in advance for any program which will change my routine. For example I attend the African Epilepsy Congress in Dakar in 2 weeks and I have been preparing emotionally, mentally and of course logistically since January.

Empathy not suspicion and disgust of people going through such challenging times is needed. Sometimes, it seems the ‘normal’ people don’t understand or are quick to say they do while advising you to just pray, get over it etc. Maybe that’s why people going through such challenges like these isolate themselves and will rather smile and say all is fine, rather than begin to explain what may only be rediculed? Others try to cope doing whatever numbs their feelings of makes then ‘feel happy’ and ‘on top of it all’/

I am what may be considered highly functional, but I love being prepared and also following my routine. Now Sleep evades me and yet my internal alarm clock will do it’s 4 am jingle and I wish to do sports and help the guys off to school. I know it may not work out that way because of the disruption so far. I hate to struggle and have to try calming down by writing all this. But I also share so someone be inspired and motivated. We are in this together.

Here is to my trying to sleep and to good logic of taking people as they come… That is equally fighting mental health stigma when we share our struggles and seek for ways to take care of our mental health

The enlarged medical mission kicks off today: Wish me well


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Support us and share the campaign

So DDay for the medical mission is here and we are estimating to help 1000 beneficiaries.

I am hoping to coordinate to the best of ability and delegate as much as possible too. We have 10 volunteers and our Executive Director came in from the US with some medications and volunteers.

Wish me well o, I wouldn’t send juju your way 🙂

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If any of you wants to check out more about my village other than juju stuff, here is a link:

A very emotional day: finally ready to see where he was buried


Hello world, some update from my village.

 Starting with if you’ll call this good news: the internet connection cut 3 months ago has been restored. Am therefore writing this post as a tribute to that restoration;

Second emotional news: I saw my dad and although I didn’t get a hug, I got so much more. I put my hand on his shoulder and he put one of his behind me too. Some may see this as a no event but to me this is such a big deal… See our smiles…gratitude for the peace… Also reconnected with my big step sister today am thankful and I spoke to the daughter of a late cousin I was so fond of. Indeed we had same surnames and age oh we were pals…

Third and toughest emotional news, I finally did go and see where my brother Gabriel was buried. When he died in the US and his corps was brought home, I flew in from Belgium but refused going to see where he’ll be buried. He is buried behind my dad’s compound, and although I have been here some months ago, I didn’t feel ready going there. Could my going there today mean I was ready for some sort of closure about his death ahead of the medical mission starting tomorrow?

Sometimes in life, some grief shake us up and we near lose our bearings. We have different ways and timelines of dealing with grief, but I wish we all give it a try and not let fear ruin it for us. Even grief at a relationship we so looked up to or one causing us so much pain, we need to find the strength to deal and heal for our mental wellbeing.

Wishing us all a happy weekend… 

I started the day with tears but am much better now… Sharing this to let someone somewhere going through similar stuff know they ain’t alone