All posts by Marie Abanga

I am a forever young, dynamic and entrepreneurial mum of 3 boys. Determination, Discipline+Dedication= my motto. l am on a journey, one to become a personal and mental well being coach of reference and a dynamic mental health advocate.Coaching, Speaking and Training are my passions and all about books fascinate me - I read and write with love. lt is worth it and life has only been this tough but good. There is strength in what remains, check out my sensational memoir about my unconventional loves and life and also about my finding the strength in what remains despite having been battered and tattered. To sum up, I am every woman, a determined, disciplined and dedicated woman of faith. Trying times are not times to quit trying. I love my family and my cat Ella. I love music, sports, conversations about all or nothing, travelling, cooking and why not dancing! I am spiritual and God fearing to put it plain and simple.

Twinkes not Wrinkles 


Twinkles not wrinkles

Those I want for the season

The reason but no treason
Twinkles not wrinkles

They come naturally

Please let them be
Twinkles not wrinkles

In my eyes not on my brow

That’s all by Grace
Twinkles not wrinkles

You want those too?

If yes, you welcome

If no, I know you nought.

Up and about this Saturday for some respite

P.s: Wishing us all the best for the season, new year ahead and life in general

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Even Rest & Recuperation (R&R) ain’t easy


Wow wow wow, glad friday is here. I have a full social event tomorrow, like all day and night, and I feel fully R&R from a hectic last week.

The R&R never came easy, and you may even wonder what’s the deal which warranted such R&R in the first place.

So this is what I was up to between the 27th of November and the 2nd of December.

  1. 27-28 Nov: last minute preparation for a big Gbm event  – a mega donation from a sponsor, at the centre being constructed in my village (over 600kms from where I live – factor in roads and all)- Gave evening lectures at the university both Monday and Tuesday before travelling over night to my village;
  2.  29th Nov: Got to the village at 7.30 am, tried some mild R&R then on to reception of Sponsor, official donation ceremony and refreshments from 1 pm. Here are a few pictures:
  3. 30th Nov – 1st of Dec off to the other end of the village to meet Dad for the funeral of my late aunt – mind you these celebrations in African contexts are not taken lightly. And there was dad to take off, and to spend quality time with;
  4. 1st Dec – 2nd Dec over night: Travel back to Douala and my boys

So there in a nutshell was one hyped week for someone who suffers greatly when her routine is distrurbed.

Gladly, I had prepared myself emotionally and mentally this time as much as possible, but still the body took its toll and crashed on return. R&R was desperately needed.

But R&R  didn’t come and easy and there was a price

That saturday Dec 2nd, I tried to sleep all day but my musketeers + Ella wouldn’t let me. Not that I really knew how to – I even tried to take the boys out that afternoon  but nada, tried to lock them out – nada – so we all ended up in my bed watching the movie “Homeless to Havard”. At least I was in bed and they had fixed me lunch and lots of tea.

Next day Dec 3rd, the pain in my whole body let me know I had to go even for a brief walk before crashing in bed again. I braved a walk and gladly didn’t over do it. Felt much better and thought I could zoom it to cook for the week ahead and etc. Did a little and back to bed. In the afternoon I had to go all across town to pick up some stuff from mum and there was TRAFFIC – poor me.

Monday Dec 4th – Tuesday Dec 5 th, I tried to work half days and I had picked up the flu and etc taking me forcefully back to bed.

In a nutshell, as much as I wanted and needed R&R, it didn’t come so easiliy and then I had to pay a price for my stubborness.

So my advice to you peeps from experience is; whe you feel a burn out, just lie still and feel the pain to healing using whatever works for you. I for example put myself on fruits, vegetables and hot (anything) therapy + an inspirational movie and music to sooth the nerves too you know

Have a nice weekend everyone; as for me I’ll be at the Returnee event for the entire day and night with my IT shoes and all hahaha- so another R&R we go for again thereafter…

Inextinguishable Candle


Inextinguishable candle
Image Source

It was two decades ago

I had never cried that much

A passing on far away from home

Yet felt to my marrow

~~~

I rushed home to watch

The requiem with the soulful song

Candle in the wind he sang

Then all said Goodbye

~~~

And yours had before that

Marched behind your casket

That single word pierced our hearts

I wondered if that was it

~~~

They had seemingly raced you out

But no you are inextinguishable

Even the fiercest wind

Can’t blow you out

~~~

Look at you now

None can deny

Your everlasting presence

In both their engagements

~~~

The first’s wife has your ring

Their daughter your name

The second’s would have been

Your partner in all things

She even is same age

Is that Coincidence?

~~~

That same media

Race to unearth her race

All things dysfunctional

About her family and herself

Like he doesn’t know

~~~

His choice has been made

Your diamonds are also on her finger

Let them gossip and dig all they May

It has been settled for May

~~~

It could never be more natural

for fragile one you arranged

Right from College his match

For beloved redhead – one as free spirited

Just when it was time

~~~

For me it is not even goodbye

A Rose may wither – its fragrance lingers on forever

You merely passed the batton

Color and age matter for nought

~~~

Yes, You’ve shown me and hopefully us all

That True Love conquers all

Death need not be feared

Nor viewed as the end

~~~

Inextinguishable candle

You need no title nor tiara

Thank you Lady for your legacy

The peoples’ princess forever

~~~

(C) Marie Abanga Dec 2017

p.s: what a sweet inspiration I had this tuesday to write this to my ultimate inspiration and heroine. I still recall how I cried for someone I never knew personally, I don’t think I’ve ever cried even any close,  for anyone I don’t know personally.

I broke the taboo


When I got there

I was scared to go near

I knew it was out of bounds

Heard it belonged to a shaggy fellow

~~~

He knew none will dare

offer to clear

all the clutter with any duster

it was an implied taboo to go any near

~~~

The reasons were never so clear

the arguements made no sense

 nor did I care for either  

was done with all the quagmires

~~~

I dared to ask and sure It was NO

I recalled Silent but Stuborn love

I dared to go there and did my best

the end result we both loved

~~~

a bond like none other had been born

Stigma can actually be from the source

It takes a lot to clear that out

But with love, it can be done

~~~

OH YES -ALLELUIA

I broke the Taboo

~~~

p.s: Believe me when I write pictures are too graphic of the before to share – needless to share the picture of the after. I am most grateful for the grace to go through and clean up the clutter with passion, love and affection. I was proud of my work and stayed in that space a while with love. The appreciation was tremendous. Sometimes breaking through deserves silent love and nothing more.

 

 

I will not choose


Let it be clear once and for all

I will not choose between you

I owe my existence to you both

~~~

I am a by product of all I learned

Directly or indirectly you both taught

Directly or indirectly I got it straight

Why now do you think I should choose?

~~~

I am sorry for your grievances

Maybe you’re not able to let go

All the scripts and expectations

I have come to shred and have none

~~~

I prescribe myself just one thing

To love each of you just as you are

To love whichever ways works per situation

I also appreciate silent love

When unspoken words and actions say and prove it all

~~~

Thank you both for loving me silently, just as I am

I have mastered the lessons, and give some to others

But now I must confess: consider it a final word

I will not choose

……….

P.s: For closure after an awesome 3 good days with my dad. Be inspired other Children of Divorce in the house. I was never implicitly asked to choose, but grew up with that feeling. So, if you must choose, as it could come to be, follow your conscience and be not swayed by emotions and hearsay. I hope my boys who had bravely not chosen even where I was so far away, will not someday have to choose between their dad and I. I do all I can to leave communication lines open while taming my ego.

What I love most about teaching is: Empowering my students and learning from them


Soon I’ll have taught close to 400 masters students in my Country in barely 2 years and this is Amazing to me. The students always have so much in them and once I breakthrough, we stay buddies all through the course and after. I pride myself in knowning each person by their name. Am ever so grateful.

 

Newman doing his thing during class presentations
Hassana our HR Assistant
Lydie our Lady

Lessons of Effective Discipline shared with me by my son – Alain


positive discipline

A month ago, I realized I was losing it with the boys when I will get home and meet the house in a mess. I started giving timeout, not to them but to myself – I will rush into my room and lock the door and ask them to knock when they finish tidying up. I didn’t want to stay with them and spend the little energy I had screaming. But it was taking longer each time and I started praying for a better way – Alain was equally getting concerned and so the last time I gave myself a timeout, he came to my room when his siblings had gone to sleep for a chat (we sometimes have them in our capacity as GM and Deputy of Our Home Inc) – He brought his reader and shared with me what they had been learning in school on effective discipline. I share same in its entirety – of course it is left for each to appreciate as they deem.

Discipline is a strong virtue that a parent can leave as an indelible legacy to a child. The Biblical King David in one of his epistles in the Old Testament dubbed Proverbs says train up a child in such a way that when he grows, he would not depart from it. Effective discipline is a dire need for smooth going on of things. Many actors come into play for ‘child discipline’ namely the parents ,teachers,elders,older siblings, kith and most importantly God Almighty for who else can discipline a creation better that the Creator? This rhetorical question is considerate to the fact that nowadays children are taught in school and when parents seem to be losing it with the children, it deepens their attention for effective discipline. Often times, due to the openness between parent and child, they both exchange pleasantries in a disguise dialoguing form aimed towards attaining effective discipline as their conversation is content-filled with the divergent views of the different stages of better discipline.

Effective discipline can take four formats namely Instruction, Training, Correction and Closure.

When we talk of instruction, it is an embodiment of teaching and commanding a child which can take two forms that is formal and informal for outlining clear rules and regulations for the child to follow and using every situation to teach by modeling respectively: What this means is teaching by the power of your example and not the example of your power. This sets the bases for an obedient child to grow effectively disciplined.

Training a child for effective discipline is the second level which aims at obedience and maturity. Training needs affection in most cases so as to build proficiency and develop the child’s skills and be able to know the reason for disobedience since learning is complexed at times. Is disobedience as a result of willful defiance or childish immaturity? When the answer to this question is established, it gives way for the third level of effective discipline which is Correction.

Correction which is multi-facetted is the taking of an appropriate action to enable the child follow the instruction and training. The facets of correction will include direct assertive communication, time-out, natural or logical consequences and rewards. Whatever strategy chosen for correction which maybe punitive or to restitute, it is aimed at getting the desired rightful results of effective discipline which is obedience since this is seemingly a painful factor often times than not as the modes will differ if disobedience of instruction and training is as a result of willful defiance or childish immaturity.

Finally, here we are at the last stage of effective discipline which is Closure. Closure which has varied ways like hugging, holding or lovingly talking to the child when correction ends is a form of communicating with the child for him to know you hold no grudges against him/her but out of love you needed to effectively discipline the child by correction.

Since the bottom line is to earn effective discipline of the child and right up to the stage of self-reliance of the child when he grows older, the guiding factor of discipline therefore is love which is mammoth and thereby embedded on the parent more than a duty which he or she is often overjoyed to see the child grow up effectively self-disciplined and living up in stark radiance to the discipline with little or no co-ordination and correction.

I am so grateful for what I learned and the efforts am making and I hope sharing same helps any parents and especially singlemothers in the blogsphere.

Faith has been such a faithful companion…I never be Grateful enough


Hello world, I want to use a very recent real and maybe ‘simple’ event to show how faithful a companion faith has been to me.

Last Saturday I received a gift of IT heels and I said I was going to bring slippers along to the party in December I’ll be daring those to. Now, I had no such slippers in my possession, actually have only flops.

This very Monday 27th of November, I receive those cute slippers you see above. What could we call that other than the faithfulness of one’s faith? I knew when talking about side slippers that there was going to be a way, indeed I told my darling Jesus that even if we couldn’t afford any cute slippers for now, He should think about it because if I sprained my ankles, both of us will feel the pain lol.

My faith in life has seen me through more than I can narrate. I can’t start talking about all the providence which has come my way out of faith. Lord I thank you. Yes, as I say in all my books, without Faith we live in Vain. Do not give up somebody, you never know just when providence will come visiting and they need faith to open the door for them – that’s how it seems to work.

Happy week to all once more

Parents we could spare ourselves some screaming: I tried and it helps


 

I was working from home last week when I heard that sound – the ball on glass: When no scream followed to signal someone had been wounded, I said a little prayer and bolted the door to my room. I had work to finish, let them clean their mess.

Gaby eventually came to my window begging for attention to explain what happened, I said I was working and we’ll all discuss that later.

During the extraordinary meeting a few hours later, I learnt they were playing on the veranda although I have begged that they play football out of the gate on the open field just  nearby. We reviewed the situation, and this was the 6th time in just over a year they were shattering that glass. I wasn’t going to pay for it alone again.

We all agreed to contribute, each according to the heart; they all have their banks and I greatly encourage them to save. Alain has given 1500 frs, David and Gaby 500 frs each.

We then made peace as a family and I think they will learn the lesson for real this time around.

I am so grateful for all I am becoming, doing, learning and sharing.

Happy new week us all

Ivanka Trump (IT) branded shoes for a gift wow!!!


Wonders it is said shall never end right? Could I ever dream I’ll ever see any of the heavily inflated IT line with my own naked eyes? And why only now, like when her daddy darling is President doing what he does? Wonders indeed.

Thanks to Alain rendering a good service to the neighbour, she gave him a pair of roller skates – sadly small for him. When asked if she could offer his mum a pair of shoes from the ‘in’ famous IT line, my innocent son said yes. He first showed up with his fone and said to smile for a picture before showing me the shoes – how smart of him lol

That’s how I have come to see with my own two eyes what I have captured on camera all the way in China, I mean Cameroon Africa. The price is another story ha – I don’t think I have ever bought clothing item above 100$ and this is not bragging or bashing – that’s just me

Anyway, fortunately for those shoes, I have the returnee event coming up on December 9th and with a Gold ticket (another generous gift) I have to try my best right? Wish my poor heels gusto hahaha (I’ll definitely have slippers in my handbag)