mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences
Category: Spiritual Journey
I am so happy to find this post by Pete which I can only but Reblog. I am in Yaounde another city of Cameroon since the 1st of February, and I had decided this trip is for visiting as many as possible and just sharing my love. Love fills me with so much hope, I am confident in Christ sharing same…be it with my son from the streets turned marathoner above, or with Iris with whom I am in love since 2015.
Basking in their love too. The official business I have is this am, but I am already so grateful I came and have so far done just as planned and even much more. Because I am Freedom and Love, it’s all about love to me…Love is the same as charity …read Pete’s post which got nothing short of my 5 stars
My brother…whose brother? like I would say before starting a fight in your defense whether you were wrong or right.
I am so grateful for where I am in my healing journey and I know you are smiling at your ‘mama Ayo’ from deep within the clouds of our lives.
I can never say thank you enough Lord for letting me have my brother for 33 years, to love and learn from, and to share with in all ways I could. He is forever in my spirit anyway, so the death of the flesh could only hurt me this much now I conclude.
Healing is not an illusion dear all, it is a possibility if you get to looking beyond what you see; if you get to feeling beyond what you touch; if you get to listening beyond what you hear.
p.s: I will forever miss you Gaby, but I will forever feel you as you live on in my spirit – and in our hearts
Be inspired and motivated dear gentle readers and followers
1) On the day (Wed 27th June) this blog title came to my mind, I was on the way to the hospital to get the results of the inflammation that had rocked my eye for a couple of months now. I was dressed the way you see because I was leaving home very early to catch the first bus to the other city where I had run the tests. I had been told it could be a tumour or some serious allergies. By faith I acclaimed the allergies before leaving the house, and allergies they were. I am rounding up the last treatment for that and it is only getting better;
2) I am happy because I am so in tune with my all these days, I feel my feelings and face my fears. Seriously, never have been this happy. I can unapologetically feel any emotions which come along, then deal and heal or heal and deal whichever my spirit guides me to doing; oh I even help others too as a psychotherapist and this is huge for me; I recently handled a massive breakup like the pro I am lol and the above picture was taken the very next morning post breakup;
3) I work hard, cry hard, pray hard, enjoy hard, relax hard and in short I try to be the Best version of myself. It is oh so sublime.
And so dear gentle readers and followers, if you are happy and you know it, why not share some in the comments please?
P.S: I will happily honour Barakah’s invitation tonight with a sublime white dress – at last I got somewhere to launch the gift I got myself for completing my 70 days spiritual journey, all to the Glory of God…and before then,
in the afternoon I will be a guest on a TV and Radio show aptly titled: Matters at Stake and Therapy respectively. I will be sharing my experience on parenting and other matters at stake including mental health and how to help… now all these from within and without make and keep me happy…
Next steps: Go home after Barakah’s event; catch some sleep and leave for Yaounde early am for the leading ladies conference…how happier can I be right now? Vacation is calling my name, and you?
Working out has, was and will hopefully always be a constant in my life
That is the famous Don’t Quit poem
DDay I was all bliss lol
Wow I have come so far and have learnt so much. I am transformed inside out I mean I just wish I didn’t have to keep talking about it and just guard it all jealously in my heart and soul. The spiritual journey cum purification I undertook from March 1st to May 18th with a 9 days break spread out in 3 intervals of 3 days each, was indeed a once in a life’s time opportunity. I was prepared for it, deciding to go for it with the mantra of: “Forging ahead with Faith and Trust and not Fear and Doubt“.
It was never an option for me because I believed in my Higher Power who inspired me to undertake the journey in the first place. I have always been a seeker and love being spiritual. I was inspired to dedicate this year as my year of Grace, and since January it has been from one Amazing Grace to another. This explains to a large extent why despite all the emotional and even physical challenges throughout the journey especially during stage 4, I was prepared to pay the price as foretold.
Some Lessons learned
Everything works out for the good of those who fear God. It did and does for me big time, I can’t ever doubt that one bit again. It took some serious self-discipline to fast from all I was fasting from, but I knew it’ll all work out. I am still in ‘recovery’ from all the fasting and even though some challenges still abound like with food (ha eating hurts some), I know it’ll all work out – even the shaky and shaggy relationships will sort themselves out either and in back to good or good to go;
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I mean, whose strength could I be using other than Christ’s? A friend agreed with me I was connected to spiritual energy because I kept doing all I do without any siesta, and starting feeling weak only in the last week of stage 4;
It’s ok to let it be in the process. I was fasting from anger, attack thoughts, and more. Some like my usual drive to have it all clean to the drop, justify myself or defend my stance, just had to be let off. They were replaced with empathy, compassion and even prayers for the other person. Hmm, I think of the me of barely 5 or so years ago and I look up and tell God, YOU ARE GOD INDEED;
Fasting is the fastest way to lose weight but the most delicate. You must have faith in the process and be committed throughout to obtain maximum results. Although I didn’t fast to lose weight, losing weight was an inevitable result. I have lost 7 kgs and I weighed 70kgs just this morning. I would love to gradually scale up to 73/75 kgs my ideal, but am letting the process take its time. I fasted for 70 good days unsupervised, I just took my vitals every now and then and trusted my own inner compass. I did drink lots of water and home made smoothies, and eat as much as I could after 6 pm each day (don’t ask me how much was that – those who have fasted know how difficult it is to eat much when you break the fast)
I had a healthy reading appetite all through and was even amazed at how much I sponged in. Books I read included An American Marriage (uh huh an Americana friend brought their copy and lent it to me, and by 48 hrs I was done), TigerFish, Born For Love, The Boy who was raised as a Dog,Keep Moving Forward: Memoirs of An Abandoned Child and His Triumph Over Abuse and ADHD, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count your Blessings, The Old man in the Hospital Room, 33 days to Finding your Soul Signature, 35 days redefining yourself for success, a poetry handbook by Mary Oliver, 2 Peace Pilgrim books, Fasting for health and Wellness, and I started Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyers. I was interviewed by VOA Africa, TV5 Monde and Stv on the foundation work and my advocacy in general. I also continued religiously with meditation, using James Allen’s writings, A Course In Miracles, A Mini Course for Life and Attitudes of Gratitude. For movies I watched The Shift, Earth: what on earth will it take to thrive, and Carving your Destiny. I can’t track documentaries and YouTube’s lol. One eye wonder woman I was indeed for all this journey save for the last week of stage 4. Indeed, my ego and body could do nothing but take a big bashful beating hahaha.
I wanted to share this because I think people need to know what the odds and possibilities are if they embark on a project dear to their soul with a ‘Don’t Quit’ Attitude. It could happen you have to re-strategize and draw back some, but go for it like Diana Nyad lol (argh I wish I could figure out how to get myself an autographed copy of her bestseller – maybe a kindle is the most I can get after all)
It was precisely on the 4th of April that I hosted an incredible young lady called Yensi Helen, the founder of the Hope Centre. I will write a post about her and the amazing work she is doing subsequently. That day was also the appex of my healing eye near going shut.
I had a few days earlier seen a vision of 5 white rays coming to that eye as I slept, and when I got alert and waited for the 6th ray, ha nada. But I had gotten the message. It could be worse, but it will get better. Indeed, a few days later, it got worse as you can see.
The eye swelling started out as a joke sometime around February 26th. I mean it could be hardly noticed in the pictures below taken around then right?
28.02.18 eve of spiritual journey takeoff, last outing sort honouring an invitation. Eye has started nagging lol
03.03.18 Day 3 into spiritual journey, eye on its own path too
I took it mildly in the beginning, trying out home remedies before starting what I now call a medical tour of duty. I mean I saw 4 different opthamologist, a neurologist and a cardiologist lol.
12.05.18 Back from same farmer’s market 70 days later 12.05.18
With my buddy Gaby, it’s Celebration day – 6 hurr
Ella my missus always around to support lol
But, through it all, I kept my cheer.
My initial predicament was how to start my internship at the psychiatric ward as a clinical psychotherapist with that eye. Hurray, nobody cared about my sun shades which ended up becoming my trade mark.
Day 1 internship psychiatric unit, helping to clean out the flood
Eye 90% healed by now but googles have become trademark lol
Fast forward to 3 months later, it is getting better and better and am so happy of course.
10.05.18 – eye doing so much better
And so dear all, in life, as it happens, convince yourself it could get worse and it’ll sure get better. Move on trying your best not to throw or be invited to any pity party, revel even in being called a one eye wonder woman (the most befitting nickname I have ever received by the way lol), and why not even think about the worst case scenario? ( I had already looked at some real sexy eye patches just in case you know).
I can’t tell you how much my spiritual journey has purified me and fortified me and made just love life 120% over. I share to inspire and motivate, be well everyone
Hmm world, I have got lots and lots of experiences in life, I don’t know when I’ll be done sharing them lol. I learn too from all of them and find it fulfilling to share these lessons with you all dear gentle readers and followers.
So, I wanted to do an internship as a clinical psychotherapist at our lone public psychiatric ward in our city which happens to be the economic capital of the country, and boy was it tough to get that. I had to go through two interviews. First with the Director of the Hospital, and when he was ok with my head lol, he sent my file to the head of the psychiatric ward who also had to be ok with my head.
Well, I don’t think this happens only in my country, but if you want to get to see any of such caliber of persons, you need two main things in my opinion: A good reference, and a very meek smile which could take you past their secretaries. Of course, the secretary should even be disposed to look at your file/reference and at your face. This is another feat because you are to drop the file off at the ‘mailing service/service courier in french’ and then follow up whichever way you can.
I did you know, because I love following procedure. But I knew waiting for normal procedure to take its course will get me no where. I kept a copy and went out looking for a reference. The first I got didn’t serve the purpose although ironically had once occupied a high postion at the same hospital (talk of life’s shenanigans lol), so I sought for a second which thank God did the magic. In each case, I was received twice by each secretary and given an appointment twice to meet their bosses. You could say I prayed and fasted, and practiced different smiles.
First meeting with Director, barely looked at and told to go wait, but second meeting, different smile, different day, different temperament, Director was very impressed with my credentials and head, and the fact I was coming to start here and not run off to set up private practice or only work with international organizations and think only money money money (his words lol).
Over to psychiatrist, secretary not so receptive first time, but my persistence and perseverance paid off. I even wore my pinky plush superstitious jacket given me by dearest Rachi, and didn’t fear my swollen eyes would sell me out behind the sunshades lol.
Fast forward to today, I am a favourite of both secretaries who call me affectionately ‘ma fille’ (my daughter), and the Director’s secretary recently helped me do up to 100 copies of different worksheets I use. What will you call this now? Wasn’t this worth all that smiling and patience? This is good for our mental wellbeing if you ask me, I am so happy for all these lessons.
Be inspired and motivated everyone especially during this weekend as you muse about life
Hmm, that picture was taken on the day my ego and body conceded defeat at exactly 3am. I looked at the time when the thought crossed my mind that ‘this is it for your ego and body’.
I was recently on a spiritual journey of some length, and indeed pressure was not only coming from the outside to give up you know. My ego and body were spearheading the naysayers. Let’s start with fella ego shall we?
Are you sure you can do this?
Nobody asked me the above question out rightly except fella ego. I quickly ignored him and set about with my preparations, mainly emotional and spiritual, then telling my entourage (especially the boys you know). But you know fella e, he lies in wait and pops again even in your sleep. Anyway, it’s all come to pass and I did it…big time and all the way…
What will people say?
Both fella e and the fella Es of a few ‘concerned’, asked me the above a few times. What if they say you are sick, be it physical or mental you know. What if they shun your services and you can’t survive like that anyway, what if, what if!!! I decided to write an official I need no one to believe in me post here on my blog to take care of that once and for all…
You are losing far too much weight and your health too you know
I should be weighing 70/71kgs which is 4kgs below my ideal although my ideal for BMI is 73kg. So what is the alarm? Yes I had some mild health challenges with an inflamed eye which all but shut down and some equally mild RA flares lasting 3 days each, but I mean spiritual journey or not, that could happen. So no all fella Es, the spiritual journey wasn’t going to be stopped. I took several different meds and products for the eye thanks to misdiagnosis, but thank God none was to be taken during the day nor mandatory with food – sorry this approach too didn’t work. I even told my GA when that eye started that it was but a distraction
Give them a piece of your mind like the real you would back in the days
At the start of stage 4, I faced what I will call the most emotional challenge I had ever faced since starting the journey. Fella E nagged at me to give it a piece of my mind and abandon the spiritual journey if it’ll cool tempers and let ‘peace reign’. Well, prima, I listened to my spirit and waited 7 days before giving a piece of my serene mind, and then when the challenge continued I shut down emotionally and said I felt that was the best option for this stage (turned out to be one of Grace – and that was the best decision I made from every indication). You see fella E, you don’t know any real me and you can’t lure me with any of your trapings. I wouldn’t even bother to give you any piece of my mind – let me address your sister body now
A nagging swollen eye
It started like a joke on the 26th of February. I quickly felt in my spirit that was going to accompany me through out the spiritual journey and although it will be a distraction so no ‘unwanted’ questions are asked about the spiritual journey itself, it turned out to attract a lot of attention. I decided from the very beginning to deflate my ego by baptizing the eye “our healing eye”. I told God it was “our eye” and He knew how much we needed that eye. I however told Him what my spirit told me which I know He was aware of, the swelling or inflammation was a distraction and I treated it as such, stopping barely to sleep at night.
nursing healing eye with soothing aloe vera steeped cotton pads, then cucumbers etc (30.03.18)
In court with another dynamic colleague and her son
I went about my activities and took up riding the bicycle the more inflamed it got. I read An American Marriage the weekend the eye got to its worst (48hrs to finish that epic novel because I got it from a sister who brought same from the US and was yet to even read the cover)… the eye got its final dose of healing on the 13th of May 2018 and that was another exciting chapter closed in that thrilling journey.
Tiredness and Sour Mouth
The last ditch from my body to get me to stop this just ended awesome spiritual journey was to threaten to breakdown. The last week in particular was spectacular. My sleep was literally messed up. Sleep 8.30 pm – 2.27 am and then toss around with some REM sleep for maybe 30-45mins and then give up – and then embarrassingly nod off occasionally during the day on the spur. Three days after it started, while meditating, I got the aha, that is the last attempt. Even the sour mouth which I thought was due to meds was rather intensifying although no longer on meds. Well, I slept much better today and the sour mouth is getting better.
And so dear all, that in a nutshell is how my Ego and Body disturbed and and got a big bashful beating. The spirit was so willing to the point that no weak flesh could deter it.
Be inspired and motivated someone, hope you are enjoying the weekend like I am doing lol