Child Sexual Abuse: Today Georgi, who next???


Sexual abuse of our children and young girls in Cameroon is becoming a call for concern.

It was barely a month ago that we learned of the case of 10 years old Marie Fortune who had been viciously and consistently raped by her aunt’s husband, leading to her death barely 10 days after being admitted in the hospital.

Child abuse so glaring to a faultLast Friday 15th, we saw a picture on Facebook of a heavily pregnant 11 years old, and before we could reach out to the source to investigate and do some further advocacy, we received the following distress whatsapp chat from another victim [15/03, 12:25] Georgi: Bonjour Madame

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’aimerais que vous prenez le temps de lire ce document

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’ai besoin d’aide et je pense que vous pouvez m’aider à avancer dans ma vie

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: Mais je vous supplie de le lire jusqu’à la fin

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: C’est long je sais. Mais j’ai essayer d’être brève du mieux que je pouvais

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: J’ai eu votre contact via un site internet après une longue recherche sur le net

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: SVP ne me rejeter pas

[15/03, 12:54] .Marie A. Abanga: Salut Georgina, je vais la lire et revenir vers vous ok? Non je ne vous rejete pas.

She reached out in French and anyone who doesn’t understand French can kindly google translate same. She was pleading with me to read the 4 page story she sent me, and not to reject her. She concluded by saying she desperately needed all the help she could get because she wasn’t working/earning any income. I actually received her at my home(which serves as the temporal offices and center of the association Hope for the Abused and the Battered) that same evening at 5 pm, and we had a soulful hour and a half together.

We need to help Georgi find safer accommodation because where she moved to is still just as taxing although no more sexual abuse. The stigma, insults and control is taking a toll on the now 23 years old Goergi.

We also wish to help her to do a thorough medical check up because she still has pelvic pains and can’t afford to go to the hospital. Our Founder (that is myself – a certified CBT Therapist and Psychologist), is offering free psycho-therapeutic sessions to Georgi for as long as she needs these.

No donation is insignificant.  By Grace, the H4AB mental health care support center and safe halfway haven for victims like Georgi will be opened. Visit our website to know more about us, and to contact us directly to join or support our work. God bless us all. Thank you in advance as you donate and or share our campaign Georgi’s story in full and in French: could be read on our facebook page right here.

Follow this link to donate please: https://www.gofundme.com/MarieAH4AB

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When a 10 year old is consistently and viciously raped for two years before she dies…


At H4AB, It’s all about Hope: Hope for Children Victims of Rape: The case of Fortune RIP

Hope for Children victims of sexual abuse because this is the worst form of childhood abuse we can ever imagine (26.02.19)

Fortune: Just 10 years old but her life was hanging on the drip. Viciously raped over and over by her aunt’s husband. She rested in the Lord yesterday 25.02.19 at around 2 pm. May she rest in but may her rapist know no peace.

Family matter it may be said, but the law is clear. This innocent child had been raped for 2 years consistently and viciously by one who was supposed to be her guardian.

Some legal colleagues and my humble self had been brainstorming how to take up the case pro bono. We had tried to make contact with her family and finally got to visit them in the hospital last week.

It was but normal that the first visit just be a familiarisation one, while we bring up the need to prosecute in our next visit. A visit which sadly wouldn’t take place.

Please all, let’s just say no once and for all to any suppression of information; and victimisation of victims all over again.

We parents and guardians can’t afford to continue pretending it’s ‘family matter’ and not good to expose perpetrators.

Imagine how much physical and psychological damage such attitudes cost the victims all the way into adulthood. Adverse childhood experiences is for real, and Fortune’s spirit is silently crying for Justice from the grave. The law on Rape in my country also leaves a lot to be desired.

Kindly help us draw public outrage and intervention by the Ministers of Justice and Social Affairs by signing and sharing our petition. We really appreciate: http://chng.it/Gn4F7bNH

One of those days when a mother’s heart is nearly ripped apart


SAVE_20190127_154719

I could never imagine my own son could have the courage to shoplift. Here below is a write up I shared on Facebook about the devastating events

Loving him tough all the way to the police station and more (20.02.19)

Sometimes all the love you show can’t stop the child from delinquency. Tough love becomes very necessary the earlier the better.

It was thanks to another major delinquency at home, the hiding of his brother’s phone to supposedly punish the later, that everything came to light.

The chocolates he had been stealing from Carefour market (a super market not too far from home), the oufer and headset.

I had to take them to the police station this morning and write a formal complaint because this morning even after the phone was discovered thanks to its alarm, he denied taking the phone.

After the police station, I brought him with the stolen things first to Carefour Market and then to Mahima (another super market) where he stole 2 body sprays.

It is never easy especially to realize all the love and efforts you show can still have such traumatic cracks.

But, I decided to show such extreme tough love now and not later. The security head at both shops took his statement and talked to him very sternly; he is also forbidden from entering those shops again. I had to pay for all the items stolen close to 20.000frs, they didn’t put penalties because I brought him myself.

He says he was seeing his friends with goodies in school and wanted his. When he stole once and wasn’t caught he felt comfortable doing it again and again from the two supermarkets.

Lord help us parents’ especially single parents.

Sadly, when I called his dad he told me it was my cup of tea. I refuse to play the blame game nor look at where the genetic predisposition could be coming from tschuippppp. I equally refuse to care about reputation and blablabla

Some Takeaways from my son’s shoplifting saga:1) Some children do shoplift not out of lack but peer pressure 2) Some parents may cover their children up out of pride, but not me o 3) prayers work. The shop had his file ready to take to his school, they had already noticed him in his school uniform 3 times. He has shoplifted a total of 6 times in one shop and 2 times in another shop 4) Our most quiet may be the most smooth mischief 5) Sibling issues can be solved by them in the most vicious way we can imagine (cold bloodily hiding his brother’s phone out of the house under a stone, and swearing heaven and hell he knows nothing about the whereabouts of the phone) 6) Thant I indeed love him unconditionally 7) That some still care even if you don’t talk all year round, I was so moved and feel so blessed o Amen

All is well now, I mean that same evening we all gathered for our healing circle and the matter was laid to rest as we broke bread together to put it so.

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How To Make Ends Meet During Recovery by Eva Benoit


how to make ends meet during recovery

Pre script: Am so grateful to receive another guest post from Eva  especially on a topic so close to heart and home. I have seen many addicted and so much pain, I know how challenging it is to make ends meet during recovery. Thank you so much Eva

Monster.com career expert Vicki Salemi states that the job search is “one big emotional roller coaster,” with all the ups and downs. And, let’s face it, fear. The only thing is you can’t hold up your hands as you go down that first big hill. If you’re a recovering addict who has begun your journey, you’re definitely experiencing the same thing. Taken together, the two experiences can be both frightening and elating, filled with both uncertainty and victory.

Regardless of the reason, you are starting your job search after also starting recovery. It’s your first time back in the job market, and your addiction might have caused you to lose a job. You will definitely need to bring in some money in order to keep your bills paid, a roof over your head, and your utilities on. So until you get a job offer, you’ll need a temporary side gig. The question is, though, what can you do?

The late Dick Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute, said “Everyone has skills,” and you can think of them as belonging to three categories: verbs (sewing, negotiating, planning, and more), nouns (data, graphics, software, animals, and others), and adjectives (adaptable, creative, flexible, and so on). The key is to identify which of your skills go into which category. This not only helps you determine a side gig, but it also can help you determine which type of full-time job to pursue.

But until you get hired, consider these two broad possibilities for making ends meet.

1. Offer Yourself in a Service Role

In a service role, you essentially perform the tasks some folks don’t have the time for or are incapable of doing. For some senior citizens or disabled people, you can become an errand runner or a shopper. There are even some people who will pay you to wait in a line for them for new technology gadgets, concert tickets, and more. You can also hire yourself out as a pet sitter or dog walker. The best part about those kinds of opportunities is that you can set your own schedule, including nights and weekends.

When you offer yourself in a service role, you become an extra pair of legs for someone who is unable to tend to some essential life tasks. Plus, one additional benefit is that you might be able to increase your job-hunting network by telling your clients that you’re looking for full-time work.

2. Make Money With a Hobby or Skill

Can you make jewelry or seasonal wreaths? Can you paint or take photographs? Can you knit or do flower arranging? If so, you can turn your hobby into something profitable by selling your items on at Etsy shop or to family and friends. The best part about this side-gig is that you actually get to make your hobby profitable. And, of course, having a hobby is beneficial when you’re in recovery. If you play a musical instrument or even sing, consider offering music lessons. And once you get a full-time position, you can keep teaching your students for as long as you like.

A job search can be one of the most stressful events in someone’s life, and it can be especially difficult for those who are newly sober. So since you are in recovery, you must keep in mind that any additional stress you feel from your job search might trigger a relapse. Having a side gig might help you avoid stress, prevent a relapse, and keep you on your path.

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

About Eva

About 6 years ago, Eva Benoit left her job as an office manager to pursue being a life, career, and overall wellness coach. She specializes in helping professionals with stress and anxiety, but welcomes working with people from all walks of life. She works with her clients to discover and explore avenues that will bring them balance, peace, and improved overall well-being that can last a lifetime. Her website is evabenoit.com and she is author of the upcoming book, The 30-Day Plan for Ending Bad Habits and Improving Overall Health.

You can read Eva’s last guest article on Executive Addiction here

Have a great weekend everyone and know you are not alone in any struggles

Feeling Funky at 40, looking for more…


I turned 40 on the 18th of January 2019 and it’s like I turned 20 in spirit.

Maybe the word funky is more sleazy than say fulfilled? But that’s how I feel right now. I am a feelings person, looks come 3rd or 10th place have never made that a priority.

I know I look what funky or fine girlish lol, but that’s not the first thing I wish people see or remark about me (can’t close their eyes though but maybe writing this can sort of close their mouths hahaha).

Anyways, the current feeling coupled with all I have been through and learned in life, leave me looking or better still craving for more…

More of funky, more of life, more of love, more of you Lord my source.

I have gotten there at final and firm last, where the within is so VIP, anything without can only matter if it threatens my within. And there tbt, I have the power to choose if I am giving that occurrence or someone the permission to get to my within, and for how long under what conditions…

Life couldn’t be more lovely for me…I mean I feel so funky.

Here is to Inspiration and Motivation everyone, you don’t need to get to 40 to feel this funky yeah…

I choose freedom and love, no to stress as much as possible
I’ve got the power oh ho ho ho ho ho ho….
With my mummy, 2 days after I turned 40 lol

40 specials I am grateful for as I turn 40 hurray


40 Things I am grateful for each year of my life

  1. Grateful to be born the bouncy baby I see in pictures;

  2. Grateful I can still remember the day my brother (RIP) was born – as well as my innocent prophecy which came to pass;

  3. Grateful to start primary school directly and be spared a dreaded nursery school (I started class one in September 1981 at 3 years 9 months – my elder sister had had such a bad experience with the nursery school teacher my dad had said no more nursery school for any of his children Amen);

  4. Grateful for all the fun and friends I have in my Deido neighbourhood;

  5. Grateful I am a force to reckon with in primary school, and my brother’s fierce defender whether he was at fault or not (I once fought with 5 girls from class 5 because they threatened my brother whose poop they had been punished to clean up);

  6. Grateful to have a best friend and be allowed by dad to go spend weekends with her family – this kept opening me up to a different life than the one I lived at home;

  7. Grateful to get along well in school without sitting still in class lol (was actually either 1st or 2nd and alternated with that best friend of mine LNM);

  8. Grateful to survive the big move to another city although that had such a price (my resilient spirit was being developed progressively);

  9. Grateful to belong to a group of 4 girls who took themselves seriously lol (this was the beginning of magnectic for real because I wasn’t looking out for friends in that new school but I seemed to attract many and could chose my friends);

  10. Grateful to be voted assistant senior prefect in class 7 (although I had gone there out of punishment by mum for my scatterbrain, that was the beginning of leadership and responsibility);

  11. Grateful to go to boarding school (I loved it so much, took me away from a cold war at home and already tired of all the falling out with mum and co – they eventually split a year later);

  12. Grateful to help my siblings and myself take it all in and adapt to our new lives at dad’s without mum;

  13. Grateful to be sent abroad for a 1 month excursion (visiting France and going on a mini cruise to England was simply wow – I kissed my first guy and he was from Rouen. Come to think I will date a man from Rouen for two great years several years later);

  14. Grateful to be crafty and cunning, and have the survival skills I have which save my brother and I from hunger and abuse countless time (you can tell things had changed drastically, a step mum was now in the picture and two of my siblings had managed to save themselves somehow – my brother and I lived through it all for 2 years);

  15. Grateful to start getting it what loving a boy could really be all about – this came with so much self consciousness and awareness as well as appreciation for life and God;

  16. Grateful to pass Maths O Levels because I had been threatened a repeat of the entire form 5 if I failed just that one subject (needless to say the rebellious arts student in me had given up maths 2 or so years earlier);

  17. Grateful to be that jolly and audacious in high school (just didn’t appreciate the fact it was an all girls’ school especially coming from a mixed school);

  18. Grateful to be more conscious of my studies even though it was still hard for me to sit at it for long lol (I did pass the GCE A’ Levels in the 3 papers I wrote with Bs etc, so fine right?);

  19. Grateful to try it out on my own in the university (finally in a university called UB the place to B, into the world of boyfriends and discoveries);

  20. Grateful I survived that abortion (I was scared to death but even more scared of what mum will do to me if she found out I was pregnant. I knew some had died in the process or risked never getting pregnant and so it was all so traumatizing);

  21. Grateful to graduate from the university with a good GPA and well lots of experiences from informal school lol;

  22. Grateful to start hustling why waiting for what next – the experience in the off license mum opened which I practically stocked, and sold in, and did the inventory of etc. etc. really taught me a lot;

  23. Grateful to settle down in another city with a semblance of a stable life as an intern at a law firm, and sort of responsible for myself;

  24. Grateful to be a mother oh my; circumstances aside, nothing beats this for me;

  25. Grateful to get into network marketing and all I keep learning;

  26. Grateful to get married and learn all the bitter-sweet-bitter lessons I learned from rushing like that into such a very serious thing in life;

  27. Grateful for my job with MTN which takes me round the country and gives me the opportunity to do a lot including buy my own first car, meet many people, and sleep in all sorts of places;

  28. Grateful for David my shepherd born with such gentleness, one he still has 12 years later Amen;

  29. Grateful I survive the loss of my daughter who died a day after she was born. It wasn’t an easy survival for the depression I plunged into led to an attempted suicide a year later;

  30. Grateful I don’t succeed to kill myself and terminate my 5 months old pregnancy in the process – Gaby that baby in the womb kicked me hard just in time. He isn’t named after my brother for nothing I now get it;

  31. Grateful for all my adulteries for they taught me what a mess I had become and the need to salvage myself;

  32. Grateful to leave that marriage one piece, the abuse got worse as time went on both ways and I just had to leave the marriage, my children and my country behind;

  33. Grateful for my time in the desert be it in the UAE, in Tanzania or in Belgium etc– I overcame and learned so much;

  34. Grateful for the new zest to make my mess my message and my tests my testimony;

  35. Grateful I publish my first memoir, the beginning of my big release and journey through forgiveness to all things lovely where I currently live;

  36. Grateful for the wonderful Super Super Hero who took me in and loved me so wonderfully for two years;

  37. Grateful I survived the death of my brother and was only completely down for a month – writing a book about his life was my life line then;

  38. Grateful I can finally finally live with all my sons in our own home – God is Good;

  39. Grateful for all I am learning and sharing and doing and the woman, mother, activist and all I am becoming; and for all the angels on my path;

  40. Grateful God is still saying something and I am listening with rapt attention now Amen.

 

Definitely a tale of from Hopeless to Hopeful; thank you for all the birthday wishes everyone.

My dream is to open a mental health care support center in my city some months from now. Kindly donate any amount you have to support me, I really appreciate. Here is the link

A World free of Violence is possible: Let’s commit to giving this a chance


 

I used to wonder as a child, why one parent beat me up so often and even ‘mercilessly’, while the other had discussions with me especially when I did something they or everyone was not so proud of. The only time this other parent gave me a total of 8 lashes, was when I broke the TV set (unintentionally of course – but then again…) back in 1985 when TVs especially in my country cameroon in West Africa, were still a big thing. Back then, TVs slept in your parents’ room or were locked up in an iron cage in the living room for fear of robbers. I used to wonder if this other parent who would use phrases such as ‘I will skin you alive’, thought of the adverse childhood experiences that trauma could and indeed has come to have in my life today. My relationship with this parent is still strained today although we are on terms with that past (I have long made my peace with all of that); that with the other parent has survived and it is still on discussions’ level especially when there is any issue at stake.

With the above example from my own life, I want to look at the possibility of a violence free world if we become aware of what we get when we are violent in anyway. Was it worth it all those violent outbursts of anger and relay of frustrations on the kid I was and was just trying to be? What was achieved if anything at all? What is the consequences today, not only on our relationship but on the other ones we have with others?

I will again be candid here, intending to spark serious reflections into the imperative need to commit to a world free of violence starting right there in our home and not on the streets or in conferences.

The first answer to my own rhetoric question is no; no it was worth the ‘skinning me alive’ – all that made me more rebellious and ‘difficult’ to handle. I recall today I would just dissociate at some point and one day ended up collapsing and only found myself in bed all embalmed. I wish I could say that was the last time I was violated and abused as a child. What could be achieved after such violence? Hate, loathing, spite, urge for revenge whichever way possible, more rebellion and the list goes on. But, we have I must admit, a two side coined consequence. I emphasize on this ‘two side’ because it could have been a single consequence: ‘More violence’ even if only subtle say non communications or outbursts of rage and tantrums into adulthood and ruined relationships. But, in my case, I am happy to say while the relationship with parent took big hits and is still on its way to recoveryville, I decided long ago I wasn’t going to ever ‘skin any child alive’. Indeed, my 4 sons know I don’t do beatings, I hold discussions or find alternative ways of dealing with what issue comes up.

I couldn’t some how for the sanity of me ever understand why one parents had to ‘hate’ me so to find violence the only or best way possible to call me to order, which one I still don’t know since it would appear even up till date they still think I am ‘a lost case’ needing some further call to order.

Violence does not necessarily result only in violence; indeed it leads very often to worst case scenarios. Lives may be lost completely, or to a mental health disorder, relationships may be forever ruined, the children may grow up so volatile they become easy preys for gangs, armed rebellion, drugs and debauchery, in short any and all things contrary to what must have ever been foreseen in the beginning. Girls may grow up so insecure and fall prey to abusive relationships, unwanted pregnancies or further gender based violence. What kind of mothers and parents/partners can they be expected to become or replicate?

Non violence is possible. I enrolled in an online course on non-violent communication last year and it was such a turning point. When one of my sons was ‘mercilessly’ spanked by a teacher in school because as a 9 year active child he wasn’t expected to be talking in class when bored, I opted for non-violent but firm communication until the issue was resolved to my satisfaction. The teacher met with the dean of studies and myself, we reviewed what happened and why, we looked at alternative ways all that could have been handled, we appreciated the issue currently at stake and the consequences if I pressed charges both with the school administration and the national delegation of education, and he made all amends as tabled including apologizing to my son and his classmates. I organized a talk and he shared our experience in a light manner, encouraging his colleagues not to resort to violence in school again.

That is the commitment I am talking about. It is possible, we have to give it a chance; It however has to start from the ‘grass roots’ that is from our own homes. In my neighbourhood, I am known as the ‘lawyer of children’. When I moved in here in 2016, one particular neighbour made me have violent flashbacks because they were always on their 4 year old ‘skinning the poor child alive’. One day, I refused to ‘mind my business’, and stormed to their gate hitting same with so much anger in me. When they finally opened up, I told them I was calling the commissioner of police for our area because they had no right to beat up a child like that (it mattered not if it were their child as they initially insisted). Their spouse probably tired by then to make any attempt at getting the beating to stop, just watched as our ‘drama unfolded’. Anyway, my involvement put an end to those beatings and the news spread in the neighbourhood like a wild fire – even spouses ever on each other’s neck started reviewing all that thereafter.

I don’t beat and all the other kids especially the young girls who are still sadly over laden with the chores more than the boys, love playing in my compound or just being around me, especially those termed ‘difficult’. I hold neighbourhood gatherings as part of activities of my association Hope for the Abused and the Battered, as well the other one I am involved in as Secretary General called Ripples of love – a name I am proud to say I chose.

Love is all we need; love is what we get when we sow love and not violence; a violence free world is possible let’s all commit to giving it a chance and be the hope for the world we want. Let’s have discussions on the table and not use our hands, whips or guns.

I am doing a fundraising campaign to open a mental health care support center for my association Hope for the Abused and Battered. If you can donate or share the campaign, please do. Attached is the budget in PDF, who knows where a funder or partner can be found?

budget mhbudget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p1 budget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p2csc and shelter 05.01.19 p2

A mental health care support center is my dream birthday gift – donate and make it happen


Hello World,

By Grace I have come up with a budget for my organization, as well as clear tasks. It is getting clearer and clearer. I am merely an instrument and I know my God is able. No knowledge gotten is ever wasted. Thank you papa for all the ways you took to teach me all I know today. I am forever grateful to all my past employers who pushed me to learn and gave me feedback I could constructively rely on to improve my performance today. Nothing is ever easy, sacrificing a saturday morning because you have to do it and no one else, is worth the cheer. Thank you to all Angels on my path, those who believe in this project enough and donate, those who will through their cynicism teach me more prudence, those who will through their prayer make it more spiritually grounded and ordained.
#Nothingistoohardtolearn
#attitudeofgratitude
#Hopefortheabusedandbattered
#thereishope
#bethehope

Visit my campaign and donate, thank you very much

Please Donate for my association Hope 4 the Abused $ Battered


 

 

Hello World, I turn 40 years in 16 days (18. 01. 79) and my wish is to open a mental health care support center and shelter for victims and survivors of Domestic Violence and Gender based violence in my city.

Please, just click here and donate whatever you have. Donate to/for me while I am still alive. My association Hope for the Abused and Battered is a precious baby who was born pursuant to a 39 year tough pregnancy with various traumatic twists and turn leaving me with different physical and mental health challenges. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2008 and PTSD in 2014. In 2013 I was almost all deaf and had to start wearing hearing aids immediately. In the midst of it all, Hope kept me going.

Thank you very much for your generous donations

Yes, total Healing from an Abusive past is possible: It took me 7 years


Hello Word Press world, I hope everyone is off to a magic filled start of a new week.

I want to share a personal experience which helped me find total healing from an abusive marriage. I left my marriage in 2011, and when I ran into my ex husband last week, the 5 minutes we shared made me realize my total healing was finally here.

I mean, I have been working and looking so forward to it, I am so happy it happened this month which is the last month of a year full of so much Grace for me.

Below is what I shared on Facebook on that day (14.12.18):

“I just ran into my ex-husband like after more than a year. The last time (01.09.17) we saw each other was at the police station where he had taken me to for breaking his door. I recall breaking the glass on that door with a stick so I could collect my sons ahead of their back to school on 03.09.17. He was called and he came with two cops. The kids and I went there with himself and we spent 4 hours in a cell – they refused to leave me alone or go with him. We were release after I signed a to never go near his house again. We got home at midnight that day, it was super traumatic especially for them. And since then they haven’t seen him either. They refused to go spend summer holidays with neither him nor their paternal grandma, and I refused to force them. He accused me of manipulation. That was a déjà entendu for me. He threatened to ‘disown’ them, and the last I told him during that very heated phone call was that he wasn’t our God. And so, running into him here at Gicam Bonanjo a year and plus later, was cool. Cool because I was happy to see him looking so good. He had some big nerves stuff last year and both his mum and wife called me alarmed and asking me to pray for him. That I did. I don’t have any grudge against him, no energy to hate or whatsoever. I just wish him so much well. I greeted him so warm and asked how he was feeling. I equally asked if he thought of the children and he said yes. He seemed to want to chit chat more but I didn’t want to. Anyways, I am sharing this to encourage especially my fellow sisters going through any such similar, to let all that be. I mean even if you prefer the saying “let sleeping dogs lie” use it and release (find it in you to deal+heal) all that ‘crap’. I just wish we had even taken a selfie hahahaha”
#releasethehurts
#notoshame
#notostigma
#forgiveandmoveon
#IamMAGnectic

We each have our unique journeys, I just share mine to inspire+motivate by Amazing Grace.