How much more serene, peaceful and happy will the next 14 days be? See you on the 15th day and thanks for all the wishes. I have faith in the fast, I treasure my treasure so much, and love the path I see in the horizon carefully charted just for me. The entire path may be daunting, the journey initially lonely, the steps shaky – but in God I Trust and believe in Angels…
My sons, my GA and some of you have been so supportive! I am so grateful and carry everyone in my thoughts…
I have given up a lot including my choice to be angry like when someone stepped on my toes at the market, I can’t even raise my voice again anyhow hahaha
I have lost some relationships already, some are now simply put most shallow. That’s the price you pay when you don’t know how to belong or care about what others say, think or do in reaction to your actions be they for personal growth…which they sadly see as selfish, weird or self-absorbed…hush lady enough now, there we go… What did you learn from the movie The Shift by Dr Dyer?
When you pray for something, you get it. That works for me – and I mean all the time – it may just not be on our time, or the way we want it, but it definitely shows up.
That is how Sahadat showed up nearly 2 years after I started praying for an all in one at the office. Sahadat or my miss as I fondly call her, is the type we call in french “la force tranquile” (the calm force). I don’t know how else to put it, nor show the universe how grateful I am to have Sahadat in my life.
I first met my miss ( She was a Miss for real at the University a few years back oh), when I lectured/facilitated a masters course called The Law of Enterprises in Difficulties. She caught my attention because she wasn’t the smiling type and hardly looked my way when she entered the class. She however never missed a class and answered any questions I asked her. Long story short, I got through her and she became a group leader of an all male team. On the day of their presentation, they all agreed she was a ‘no nonsense leader”. Their group was among the best needless to say.
Here is a line of what she wrote to me at the end of our course: “Thanks for all the beautiful remarks, you are the best female teacher ive ever had…”(unedited)
We kept in touch and one day I mentioned to my miss I was looking for an intern. She started out as one and had gradually morphed into my all in one at the office and my heroine.
The line is definitely blurred between us as in she is my staff, sister, baby miss, PA, and a generous aunty to the boys. Two days ago she was sick, I made her a hefty and healthy breakfast since we were to work from home, made her some ginger/turmeric tea and bullied her to eat. Later I saw she really needed more rest, and so I sent her back home. I asked her if she could have done same for me if I were sick (since she was first refusing my offer to nurse her some), she agreed, and so I asked her why I couldn’t do same for her without having to bully her. She told me in camouflaged words like my son Israel did, that my type of love ‘can suffocate’. We laughed over it, she ate her food and drank the warm healing tea, and then she was good to go back home.
Sahadat has some of my passwords, manages my calendar, is a quick learner and doer and much more.
I am sincerely so grateful for Sahadat. I am no longer the only female in my team at the office lol.
Did I add how humble and grateful too she was? I wish all entrepreneurs a dynamic colleague like Sahadat and I hope we stay on for a while before a bigger and better offer comes her way lol
Oh hello world, I didn’t plan this post but so much bliss today, I just had to share. Glad am still on the 2nd day of my 3 days break from stage one of my purification journey.
I had planned to work from home today and go on a long walk in the morning because I have a slight discomfort with my right ankle, but I had not planned to spend the day babysitting. But hmm, I love babysitting and got so much bliss doing that today.
My little angel neighbours
Archange my lover in red
Samira and I having breakfast with love
As soon as I came back from the long walk which took me through the back of a secondary school where I helped separate a bloody fight between boys of Alain’s age, helped a man who had just had an epileptic seizure and also a girl carry her gallons of water, I received 4 of my small angels in the neighbourhood. They often come around when they hear my voice or Alain’s, because they love being around us. Aimé also brought Samira for some hours while she went to the market and ran other errands. I ate with her and put some bugs bunny on the other laptop so we could each keep busy.
It’s an honour to wash a baby the first time you see them
And then, when a daughter of yours brings her baby girl to you for the day and night, you are simply honoured. I spent the afternoon in further bliss, cradled and fed my granddaughter, and gave her a warm bath at night before she slept. There was no melancholy at all thinking of my girl Ange Claire, and I knew it is well.
Sometimes, we find so much bliss and serenity and inner peace where least expected. Sometimes, when our plans and programs change, let’s keep open minds and hands to receive what else comes – we just may be as pleasantly surprised and merry as I was today. Did I even ever mention having a nursery school was one of my top retirement plans? Lord help me – I am just full of gratitude for all the talents/gifts and passions I have been bestowed!!!
It’ll be ok Son, one day we’ll own a motor bike lol
I will write an entire blog post at the end of this special spiritual journey/fasting, to share my personal experience, the pros and cons of such a profound journey. But let me just state the fact that whenever you decide to do something in life, the ego and the self centered self seek to take center stage and direct you. This will definitely conflict if what you are embarking on is spiritual in nature – for example a fast.
On Wednesday 07/03, the 7th day of stage 1 of this thrilling spiritual journey am on, a conflict arose in the form of how to deal with Gaby’s Shi Shi*. He didn’t want to bathe – inshort he didn’t want to go to school even though they were starting 4th sequence exams that morning. Hod up now, he even wanted to switch education systems again back to French ha. I don’t even know where to start with the merry go round…
I first told him to give me a minute and I went into my loo to pray. I asked for serenity and discernment (Those are the first lines of my personal prayer). There wasn’t much time left. I invited Gaby to come bathe with me (inviting or allowing any of them into the loo my love is a privilege no one wants to ruin), he was calm and started singing as he often does when bathing. I joined in (I hadn’t planned on going out that early nor going for a walk, I wanted to do some small sports once they all left) and sang and danced with him until I realized he was in no haste to leave of course lol.
He said if I should please accompany him to school which was the idea I had anyway. We walked kind of fast (20 mins and not 40 when you don’t hold his hand and he gets to kick pebbles and watch birds hahaha), and by midway he was more mellow and we started to gist. At the school entrance, he met some friends and all was good – bye mummy…
It was then I continued walking taking a longer route, and I stopped by my former landlady (who owns the home where my marital sagas unfolded leading to my fleeing – she knows it all and stepped in a few times God bless Ma Made). Her grand daughter now a young miss, asked after the boys and especially about ‘le petit Alain la’. She still thinks of them like small boys although she is only a year older than Alain now. When I jokingly told her Alain was big and macho and could date her now, Maeva blushed and sad lol like they do. I always check in on Ma Made every now and then because she was simply put awesome to me and us all when we were her tenants.
When I got home, I met David outside (the college guy didn’t have school today because their class finished exams yesterday, and they were asked to stay home for a 3 day break, while Alain finishes today) He was fiddling with the neighbour’s motor bike, and I was taken down memory lane…
Motor Biking 101 in Bxl 2015
Back from my walk and down memory lane
Thanks to Gaby therefore, I had a good 56 minutes walk, I saw Ma made and Maeva (whom I last saw on New Year’s morning), and I sat on the neighbour’s motor bike and went down memory’s lane to a moment in time when I had a length Period of Grace before my relocation back home.
All in all, I didn’t raise my voice nor use a whip, Gaby bathe and went to school not whinning anymore about moving back to french system of education, I did exercise and got even some extra.
When life shows up with some twists, twist yourself around calmly and you may just have fun in the process like I did…
*Shi Shi: local slang in french to mean childish whining or something of the sort
p.s: My friend comes back from school 2 good hours after they closed, he stopped at a friend’s house he slurs. I look at him like that… sigh and say a silent prayer, then I take away 2 of the 3 mangoes I kept for him. He loves mangoes very much, maybe he could learn a lesson from there? I mean he could tell or ask me this morning he wanted to hang out at a friend’s after school; and that’s not even cool to just leave school and go to peoples’ homes like you don’t have one right?
Sharing to inspire and motivate especially parents in the blogosphere – wishing us all loads of patience in dealing with and bringing them kids up
I was seriously walking on my path on day 6 of my purification journey, when Aime my love surprised me with the above snaps as she came back from seeing her son off to school. I had been thinking of the words to a poem titled My Path, and so think these fotos make a good match lol
I remember writing a chapter titled Alain my Treasure in my very first memoir. This Alain in not Alain my son, He was a boyfriend. The relationship over, I moved on to find another treasure. I have dabbled to call two others my treasures again since then before the final enlightenment…
What am I trying to say, we all (at least majority), seek something to cherish here below, to consider our treasure. In yester years, I sought that in men and sex was a good – welcome part of the search. Oh how I blundered and sauntered – strolling miserably through life with no particular direction and near losing my mind…
Could I have so failed to think I could be my own treasure?
And so, when I came to find the one and only true love I could ever truly possess here below; the infinite source from which I could genuinely give to all others on my path; the love that had been buried deep within thanks to all the happenings of life regardless of their source, I couldn’t stop crying.
I AM MY TREASURE! MY SPIRIT, SOUL AND BODY ARE MY TREASURES!
And who am I? I already got the answer to this one, thank God – my source of all…
So, how do I take care of my treasure? In 5 lines shall I?
I keep it healthy and happy; no junk food, thoughts, actions or reactions so help me God;
I keep it clean and free from fear, worry, and all such in between;
I nurture it each and every moment by appreciating it and sharing its shine for in giving we receive;
I commit it to its great purpose as designed by the creator itself – by Grace I have found my path and purpose; even if I still have a long way to go; am in a much much better place and grateful for the purification journey just started.
And how much do I treasure myself, oh I am grateful to be alive – to not have left in 2009 when I picked up that knife– Thank you Lord
Dear all, in the above picture taken on the eve of my purification journey, I was on my way out to a birthday where I ate meat for hopefully my last time. I am a vegetarian now for health and spiritual reasons – and yes because that is good in safeguarding my treasure.
And so this morning for breakfast (day 1 of 3 days break) I fed my treasure the following: Small plate of mixed veggie salad, a bowl of soybean pap with some rice, ginger/turmeric tea with honey and a banana. I make much tea and keep in the flask to drink as needed during the day for my small cold lol
May I therefore encourage you to find yours and take good care of same…
Wow, 1st 3-days break and I am super excited. I will publish 5/6 posts during this break because yes, I missed writing out here – so bear with me gentle followers.
On a more serene note, the above picture was taken on day three of my fast, a Saturday, I was back from the biggest farmers’market in Central Africa – found thankfully in Douala like 30/40 mins away from my home, I bought all that and fixed them all up for the month – or however long we can keep that lol. I worked in that kitchen all day, because I love cooking (big temptation if you are fasting but I had no option and could do that lol), and only left that kitchen at 6 pm. Someone said wow?
So, as I announced last week, I started a spiritual/purification journey of 70 days as guided by my inner compass and this includes a 4 stage fasts with there being a 3 days break in between the stages.
I am fasting from 6 things as directed- and as you can see if you use magnifying glasses lol (food, anger, worry, hate, attack thoughts and yes the last one is sex, so that doesn’t even cross my mind during this period), and to be honest, so far so good. I sincerely evaluate myself 80% and this is an A – Period.
The day started off so cool because it had rained cats and dogs the previous night. I walked Aime’s son to school, well she came along, I worked with my dearest Sahadat (you’ll read about her before stage two begins I promise) from home, talked for long with my son Israel, it’d been such a while and I so love to connect with this full of promise adopted son of mine, and to make my first day so special, another small daughter of mine who was looking to connect with her dad all these years, called me to announce the good news. She is 22 and has never spoken to nor seen her dad. I once helped her zoom trails to find him to no avail. What a first day right?
It takes stubborn but passionate faith to walk such fate especially if any fasting whatsoever is involved. I mean I ate no pin, and tried my very best to fast from the other items. The 20% less is the shaky thoughts because am human of course… but I have faith in the fast… I said I was ready and stand by that…
Let me borrow from my friend Pammie’s view on faith: “faith is not a religious faith…it is trust in life-serving-life” and this is why I am going through this 70 day purification and fasting. I have faith in the outcome.
And so, me thinks, to fast especially in stages and for so long, whatever the motive (be it for health, wealth, weight, or religion prescribed) you need to have faith in the fast. No fast cars involved here, you have to walk your talk.
To, summarize this first post of my first break from my first stage of fasting, I am so grateful for the Grace to fast. The picture below is me that same saturday after working all day. I sate down to a full tray of a balanced diet which included a detox home made juice (smoothie if you want lol) in the red cup, a succulent fresh mango, some fresh tender corn on the cob home cooked of course, a yummy risotto in rice salad style, pap and enough water to fill my thirst tank hahaha. It was not so clear by the time I wrapped all up and freshened up, but the focus should be on my tray and not my face hahaha
So seven days later, here I am trying my best. Happy with the firm implementation of my 3D principles of Determination, Discipline and Dedication. The spiritual fruits are already starting to bud… but that will be fully revealed at the end. I could however treat myself to a hefty dinner and ignore the irritation on my eye and knee cap – guess my body not so pleased with me o
I feel that inner compass shifting towards which direction I can’t tell yet so clearly. I have had a searching soul for so long, only late year it dawned to me it had become a serene soul. The poems written thereafter will be published eventually and can sure attest to that.
I realize there has been a gradual preparation for a spiritual journey since 2008 when I learnt the toughest lesson I think I’ll ever learn from life. The daughter I had been so badly craving for, was born and buried in less than 24 hours. The pain I felt on that has only been seconded by the pain I felt when my brother Gabriel died.
Ange Claire as I named her, was born on the 27 of February 2008 at noon, and died on the 28th of February 2008 at 3:52 am. That lesson was called DETACHMENT.
Today, I am ready as directly from within, to start with my official purification as from March 1st 2018.
The following are some of the books accompanying me along:
Every Day Meditation with James Allen;
Fasting and Eating for Health: A Medical Doctor’s Program For Conquering Disease;
A Course In Miracles;
Chicken Soup for Your Soul: Counting Your Blessings
I do not consider the post I wrote this morning to be among the two I had left to write before a 7 day fast which includes fasting from blogging (but I can read other blogs thank God). This therefore is the one but last post lol.
That said, last week I did my first solo travel in 2018, that is, almost two months after the year started. Ha, the life of a single mother is really embracing me well oh.
I had planned, (yes am more of a plan and prepare type of traveler) to take the 7 am bus because traffic is avoided and if you are lucky like I was, you get no seat partner (the 7 am bus is hardly ever all full). I live 45 mins away so my internal anxious clock was up at 3.48 am poor me – my eyes tell much right?
The trip itself to be honest, gave me 60% of the soulful satisfaction I sought from that trip. Going like coming back, I enjoyed some invaluable solitude and heard so much from my inner voice. The other 40% of the trip in Yaounde itself was equally so soulfully enriching:
I felt ready to go to the home of a papa mentor who died in January 2017, and with whom I had visited for a week, a week before his demise. His family was very happy, and mama with whom I had a soulful chat, had a deli plate of salad made for me…just see
I rested some, and played a little with my new friend Coran before stepping out to visit a Sage who would have been my Phd supervisor before life happened and I put that on hold; we had a lengthy soul conversation and a few good laughs – ah I can say he has aged with grace – his humility and modesty filled me with inspiration for a man who had once occupied some high ranking positions in this country;
I then met with the person I actually went to Yaounde to see, another sage whom I had envied from childhood. Just walking by their home from school back then, was a big refuge from our dungeon…needless to say I flash-backed and expressed my gratitude for everything. I listened to them for a while before taking my leave;
When I got back to my host by 8.45 pm, they had just finished dinner and were waiting for me for evening prayers. That family among others had won my soul by their always trying to eat together, share everything on the table, much gist and all while eating. And the prayers, men even some grown kids now bushfallers dialed in via God sent whatsapp so we could all pray together. It was simply so soulful;
The next morning, I went to visit a baby mama of mine and we had another soulful morning. It had been a while, and she is one of those angels you meet like that when you believe in them. I had actually met but her mum in another city, and she told me her daughter and I would love each other when we meet. We did meet and have remained friends since then. Her own son is called Gaby too lol;
During that trip, I read almost the entire Peace Pilgrim and oh boy it was like she lived in these present times. I will not lack the reverence and respect due that great lady, her vision and all, by writing any review period. Anyone wanting to read that pocket book, can get a free copy from ‘friends of peace pilgrim’;
That trip and all the listening I did, gave me the extra nudge to listen to another dearest mentor the next day after I returned from Yaounde for an awesome 40 minutes. Alain later told me he had never seen that. I was asked twice if I was on the line, and I said yes. To me, it was perhaps a once in a life time opportunity to listen to my super busy mentor so. Secondly, listening to me is a virtue and I am so glad I can listen to people without interrupting them. This skill will help me a lot as a therapist and so am not joking with it. I have sure by Grace come a very long way, I can never doubt that.
Dear all therefore, I just wanted to share these seven soul musings of my recent trip to Yaounde. That city alone holds so much meaning and memories, each time I visit is a whole soul experience on its own.
There we go… (Hope not too too many souls and soulful in here hahaha)
mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences
Holistic Services Group is Australia's number 1 provider of corporate wellness services. Since 2003, we have been caring for the health and wellbeing of staff in companies amongst the top 500 in Australia.