Sometimes it is difficult for me to articulate a post; and well I just go with my spirit. Last friday I was faced with one of such posts, and today again here comes another.
I have written a few posts on gratitude; and I end each day I can with enteries into my gratitude journal. It’s made such a tremendous impact in my life. I learnt that from Oprah.
So when someone wondered if they were being acknowledged enough, I quickly recalled pondering at their own lack of appreciation I had personally witnessed on some ocassions.
What goes around comes around. When you can’t bring yourself to say thank you, why expect someone else can? When you can’t be grateful for life and being alive, why expect life to be grateful to have you alive? You’ll find it difficult to live on and that’s just what you’ll keep noticing – the frustrations and adversities.
I am grateful to be alive and to get a second chance at life – seven years into what I call my bonus. I seize all opportunities to show gratitude and I don’t expect it in return – yet get it too so much…
Wishing us all lots of reflections this week, some bliss and wow moments full of gratitude
Who identifies with such? I sincerely don’t know how to go about writing this post. Maybe this other picture can say some more:
And sometimes, no matter how much we try or wish, we can’t even hug nor punch…
Do you feel a victim? Then this picture can help maybe? :
Reminds me of my post on where my peace comes from
Are you a propagator? I mean are you a narcissistic with a boderline personality and co? These are all mental illnesses and some help can be found if only you seek it in all genuiness.
If we don’t stop the cycle at some point be it as victims or propagators, then that is enabling and keeping the generations chained in that trauma. A hurt soul can only hurt another soul – until one finds light, love, peace and happiness through Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance; Self-Love; Self-Help; Self-Care … the brokeness continues
Some reflections from my searching soul… have a warm weekend
This post is a ‘rant-lite’ and also a call to authenticity and responsibility.
Some tough issues I have been dealing with recently especially relating to my holistic health, has provoked this post.
The title is literally a discussion I had last December with one of my former college children ( a local jargon to define children we take under our wings in college – boarding school). We were talking and they said the general buz out there in the bush ( another local jargon to mean abroad cause the notion is you go abroad to work your ass off like a farmer going to a real bush) is that I took the easy way out. I was so taken aback and all I could say then was: “really?”. Later on, because I still love them so much, I took the pains to explain to them why I chose to leave bush and relocate home, as if it wasn’t normal in the first place for a parent to want to relocate back home and be with their children.
I am therefore doing this post as an open reply to the bush buzzers, and an open challenge to all to dare authenticity and be responsible for their lives and choices.
Before I proceed, I will want to state that I did visit several ‘bushfallers’ ( local jargon to refer to those who live abroad) both in Europe and the US before my relocation home in August 2015. When many heard I was planning on relocating, they were mainly wow wow wish we could too. I think it’s also this ‘hypocritical irony’ (forgive my choice of words) that set me off when I heard the bush buzz.
I am an unconventional lady and I have taken off my mask. I try 97% of my time to dare authenticity especially since May 2011. I attempted suicide and know desperation; been near bed ridden for 2 years taking one meds after the other. I hit 115 kg (250 lb or so) at one point in life and felt so bad; really I should have taken an easy way out then had I known one. So, when I eventually fled home for bush leaving my boys behind, that could easily and maybe even logically be seen as choosing the easy way out right?
Look at some of the things I did or considered which should have literally prevented my relocation back home.
So, considering the above, how was I anticipating my come back? How was I going to face the public back home? What was I thinking? That it will be a smooth ride? That I will just fit in and resume from where I left and just find some economic, emotional and even mental stability? Physically I was in top shape, had succeeded in dropping and keeping off over 40kgs – so yes there was surely an easy way out maintaing that physical trend but was that all to it?
Look at what I was giving up from the new life I had managed to forge abroad:
So, reading all the above which I am greatly limiting because my intention with the post as I earlier said is to invite people to dare authenticity and be responsible for their choices;
DO YOU MY GENTLE READERS AND FOLLOWERS ALSO THINK i TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT?
If that really is an easy way out what I have chosen, then why don’t many more take it instead of playing out their lives on social media and whining all they can behind their screens?
I am grateful for my choices; I am grateful for all the chances; I am grateful for all the changes
I don’t think any is an easy way out, the grass very often seems greener on the other side until you are stuck on it: I chose to relocate having found who I was looking for – and that is ME; I chose to dare authenticity and say it as I see and live it;
Have a great mid week o
I am sitting as you can see from the above picture ( I just learned how to play with pictures et voila), waiting for a gathering to start, I am already anxious because it’s an hour and a half late and still no sign of starting. I have already been given my badge as a panelist, on which it is boldly written: “I am a Barrister at Law”. That badge sparks this post…
Is the Barrister accolade my greatest or even an accomplishment I want to be known or remembered for? It’s not like I was ever asked which to be used anyway.
This musing about accomplishments flashes me back to a discussion with someone last week about the same subject. Ah my ever searching soul…
I had just been told someone I knew had been appointed to a high public office. I was sure happy for them, and in our exchange we marvelled at all their accomplishments. Well, those we knew of, those we read and heared of, you know like this my ” Barrister at Law” tag…
And then I told the person I was chatting with that I looked at accomplishments from a very different angle altogether. For example, I told them I felt they had accomplished a lot coming out of a tradegy the way they have. I added that I felt more accomplished today than 10 years ago when I ironically had more money, two cars and was a ‘Mrs’…
But then, this is my view; it depends first of all I guess on what you consider accomplishments. Maybe I should have started this post by looking that up?
So, I scheduled this post for two days later, so that maybe I could come up with ideas over the weekend or some input from a discussion I may pick up during the gathering.
In the meantime, another of my recent accomplishments is being able to treat a dreaded mumps with more natural remedies than would otherwise have been the case 10 years ago… (I only grudgingly took an anti inflamtory for 3 days) – and am also grateful for all the moral support I had during this difficult period
But then, let me throw this open to my e family, what do you consider accomplishments? What do you measure them by?
Have a great week ahead
I have hardly followed a blog for a a few months and then offered a guest post. I was moved by all what I have been learning and sharing on this blog, and as a parent I realized any healthy choices I made in life wasn’t for me only. Just like Michelle Obama’s campaign Let’s Move, I have come to realize I can’t expect healthy kids if I don’t set healthy examples in all areas of my life. It was an honour to be so promptly hosted on such an awesome blog. I hope my post inspires and motivates many parents on the blogosphere. Namatse
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Source: DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?… If there was only one post I will recommend anyone to read on one of the most awesome blogs I follow: It will be the above… every other thing to me flows from here.
If you like yourself, you’ll be able to genuinely care about what you eat, think, say, do, write etc etc; and you will care what anything or anyone does to you to the best of your faculties.
The blog is none other than: All About healthy Choices. And yes, I am all about that and it pays big time.
I leave us this weekend then with this post which calls not for a quick like or comment but above all for authentic introspection and genuine resolutions.
Thank you Doctor Johnatan, you are my Hero and I will be talking about you on the panel I join today on leading from the heart – cause I feel that’s what you are doing
My first lecturing gig was at the Pan African Institue for Development West Africa, in Buea South West Region Cameroon. That town hosts the famous Mount Cameroon and the School is not far from the foot of the mountain. SO yes it gets pretty ‘winter – like’ cold up there especially for someone like me with rhumatoid arthritis.
So, when you brave it there twice a week for two months; catching a good cold and fever along the way, leaving your city at 6 am to be there by 10 am ahead of a 4 hour lecture regardless of how you feel about that ‘calvary’ – and then a year later you get such an sms from a former student who also interned with your foundation, how else can you feel but super motivated to keep trying your very best?
March 10, 2017
From Sidoine Felix Paid-Wa and later Gbm intern
“Hey good day Mm. Long time trust you are fine. Sincerely permit me express my gratitude to you for all the invaluable knowledge and support you gave me during my stay with you. I can’t believe this but its true and happening. Since I left Douala I have been very engage in project proposal writings here. And Mm, the projects we work out together have been my guide and masterpiece in all the ones I am writing now. And guess what??? People are praising and appreciating the format and maturity of the project proposals. I haven’t done much but to contextualize these projects using what you thought me with. And sincerely I can’t go any further but to express my gratitude and joy. Thank you very much Mm. Hope the boys are all fine. My regards to them please”.
And as coincidence will have it, I was in Buea on that day for some work and had actually planned on checking on him – cause sure we have kept in touch. I offered him lunch and we had a good 45 mins of inspiring and quality time.
Such and many others from the others I have taught in my own city since then, keep me grounded and so motivated. The second batch I taught (and by grace they are all asters students) voted me the best lecturer they had ever had, and invited me to their end of year party, offering me a gift… it was all so emotional. I love teaching, sharing knowledge, relating with the students at any point, and simply trying to teach better than I was taught. I actually let them teach us all too and I have also learnt so much along the way. I actually dragged my mumps face to class last Sunday and braved an 8 hour lecture.
I have as often as I can told the lecturers who impacted me most that I was so grateful. I have visited a few who taught me even 15/20/30 years ago and oh my that made our day. Before I started teaching, I had a talk with my best undergrad lecturer and she inspired and motivated me along. Today, I consider teaching one of my top passions.
Is there any lecturer in the house? How do you feel about your work? Any student too? Have you ever thought how a small appreciation from you could mean the world to your lecturer? Much more than any salary raise? I have as often as I can told the lecturers who impacted me most that I was so grateful. I have visited a few who thought me even 15/20/30 years ago and oh my that made our day.
So, hello world, we get what PAW stands for, and PAW Cameroon is slowly but taking off. I was invited to join a panel and I am excited about the panel I’ll be joining.
This is a VIP highlight of my week.
The week is starting off challenging because I somehow contracted the mumps virus… (I thought I was too old for that oh my), but I hope all is well by then.
Have a nice week everybody, and I ‘ll sure share feedback.
Thank you for your support and all
We are approaching the weekend and my ever contemplative and searching soul just thought about what my past has or is still doing to me. I then thought to share it with us all here and maybe inspire others to do their own introspection.
Ok let’s go.
1) Did my past cause me so much pain to make me despise lots of it? YES. I have admitted my role in all the mess of my past and tried to deal with them in different ways all with a bid to heal. Now, we all know the wise saying about not focussing so much on your past to let it influence your present right? Well I dare argue that wisdom so so easier said than done… There are many including myself who have numerous times over been both physical and mental victims – hostage of their pasts. Some pasts have been know to impact so badly our present circumstances so much that the future is completely blurred and unfathomable… but then next;
2) Am I so ashamed of my past to talk about it or share it? Me, NO. When I realized how much shame of my past was killing me slowly and almost got me to drive a knife in, I decided, (even if implementing that took a few years) to deal with that shame and talk about that past through any medium available. For me, it was also a way to fight stigma. The stigma associated with being a ‘loser, a pimp, an addict, a mentally challenged or ill, etc etc’ and who knows whom will be helped by my story right? ok, and so what now;
3) What has facing my past and pain and sharing done? Oh my, the big big positives negate the tiny setbacks or few hate trolls. I even got a national award for my very first memoir. I have become much more self-empowered and aware, so full of gratitude, so conscious of Amazing Grace, so full of faith, oh so determined as a women’s rights and mental health advocate.I hardly turn down any invitation to talk about my past, share my lessons and journey and yes on my own platforms there is no hiding where I come from… I have become one of those brands you don’t mess around with and I am at peace with this ME… Who knows what or where I would have been had I not made that conscious, painful and challenging decision to deal with and heal from my past; and so in conclusion;
Today, I confidently answer that my past has not defined me but it has refined me – it has helped me to embrace self-improvement, self-love, self-appreciation, self-worth and oh my self-esteem is better than ever. This has been a long journey and actually an ongoing one… But, am better equipped and am using that past and pain as solid foundations from which to springboard to greater heights in all faith, hope and charity.
And you…??? Please share cause you really never know who can be helped by your comment
Have a nice weekend everyone!!!
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