Sometimes It’ll get worse before it gets better


 

 

It was precisely on the 4th of April that I hosted an incredible young lady called Yensi Helen, the founder of the Hope Centre. I will write a post about her and the amazing work she is doing subsequently. That day was also the appex of my healing eye near going shut.

I had a few days earlier seen a vision of 5 white rays coming to that eye as I slept, and when I got alert and waited for the 6th ray, ha nada. But I had gotten the message. It could be worse, but it will get better. Indeed, a few days later, it got worse as you can see.

The eye swelling started out as a joke sometime around February 26th. I mean it could be hardly noticed in the pictures below taken around then right?

 

I took it mildly in the beginning, trying out home remedies before starting what I now call a medical tour of duty. I mean I saw 4 different opthamologist, a neurologist and a cardiologist lol.

 

But, through it all, I kept my cheer.

My initial predicament was how to start my internship at the psychiatric ward as a clinical psychotherapist with that eye. Hurray, nobody cared about my sun shades which ended up becoming my trade mark.

 

Fast forward to 3 months later, it is getting better and better and am so happy of course.

 

And so dear all, in life, as it happens, convince yourself it could get worse and it’ll sure get better. Move on trying your best not to throw or be invited to any pity party, revel even in being called a one eye wonder woman (the most befitting nickname I have ever received by the way lol), and why not even think about the worst case scenario? ( I had already looked at some real sexy eye patches just in case you know).

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18.05.18 Last day of official spiritual journey – Thanksgiving workout, eye completely healed Amen

I can’t tell you how much my spiritual journey has purified me and fortified me and made just love life 120% over. I share to inspire and motivate, be well everyone

Watch me celebrate in 18 seconds lol

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Sometimes in life, you may have to smile differently and come another day…


 

Hmm world, I have got lots and lots of experiences in life, I don’t know when I’ll be done sharing them lol. I learn too from all of them and find it fulfilling to share these lessons with you all dear gentle readers and followers.

So, I wanted to do an internship as a clinical psychotherapist at our lone public psychiatric ward in our city which happens to be the economic capital of the country, and boy was it tough to get that. I had to go through two interviews. First with the Director of the Hospital, and when he was ok with my head lol, he sent my file to the head of the psychiatric ward who also had to be ok with my head.

Well, I don’t think this happens only in my country, but if you want to get to see any of such caliber of persons, you need two main things in my opinion: A good reference, and a very meek smile which could take you past their secretaries. Of course, the secretary should even be disposed to look at your file/reference and at your face. This is another feat because you are to drop the file off at the ‘mailing service/service courier in french’ and then follow up whichever way you can.

I did you know, because I love following procedure. But I knew waiting for normal procedure to take its course will get me no where. I kept a copy and went out looking for a reference. The first I got didn’t serve the purpose although ironically had once occupied a high postion at the same hospital (talk of life’s shenanigans lol), so I sought for a second which thank God did the magic. In each case, I was received twice by each secretary and given an appointment twice to meet their bosses. You could say I prayed and fasted, and practiced different smiles.

First meeting with Director, barely looked at and told to go wait, but second meeting, different smile, different day, different temperament, Director was very impressed with my credentials and head, and the fact I was coming to start here and not run off to set up private practice or only work with international organizations and think only money money money (his words lol).

Over to psychiatrist, secretary not so receptive first time, but my persistence and perseverance paid off. I even wore my pinky plush superstitious jacket given me by dearest Rachi, and didn’t fear my swollen eyes would sell me out behind the sunshades lol.

Fast forward to today, I am a favourite of both secretaries who call me affectionately ‘ma fille’ (my daughter), and the Director’s secretary recently helped me do up to 100 copies of different worksheets I use. What will you call this now? Wasn’t this worth all that smiling and patience? This is good for our mental wellbeing if you ask me, I am so happy for all these lessons.

Be inspired and motivated everyone especially during this weekend as you muse about life

 

My once in a life time opportunity at the lone Psychiatric Ward as a clinical psychotherapist


 

 

Hi World, when you dare to follow your passion, with persistence and perseverance, it is a deep sense of fulfillment all the way – all the time. I bash you not but I am learning, loving and sharing so much in this once in a life time opportunity at the lone psychiatric ward in our city of Douala, Cameroon.

Needless to scare you with grueling details on say the numbers we receive each day, the number of shrinks available leaving out anything psychologist or therapist… nor the condition and resources of the ward… I got two months running from April 2nd – June 2nd 2018 and for that I simply put honoured, humble and happy. One of the first patients I saw wrote me a love letter on the eve of his departure and just yesterday another told me he was sad I was too beautiful for him. I mean isn’t this worth it?

You know, it wasn’t easy picking up psychology studies after I completed my CBT Training obtaining the first ever DISTINCTIONS note in my entire academic pursuit. But, and indeed, I was so motivated by this score and took an online diploma in psychology, dedicating close to 13 tough hours spread over two weeks, to have a merits score of 88%. Well there was lots of reading background too right? Anyway, below is what my records show:

Learner-Verification-Diploma in Psychology
Sharing just to inspire and motivate

I was now ready to for the once in a life time opportunity at the lone public psychiatric ward in my city, and considering the journey to get that opportunity, not even a nagging swollen eye nor any discouragement from ‘friends and foes’ could blur my vision.

I will just share a small portion of an email I sent to my soul family after two weeks at the ward:

April 20th: I call them my friends, I meet them before reading their records, most if not all have pure hearts marred by etc

Simply put, I am the first therapist seen there and I am fortunate to do it my own way. I am personal – calling names and not bed/room numbers; and I greeted and hugged a 19 year old girl and it meant the world to her. (She’s moved on to be my first ever private client, she is doing so well already and gladly her meds were revised … to read she’d been diagnosed with Schizrophrenia almost broke my heart)
Sadly, the meds culture is invading here and I have seen some zombies. But, many families don’t keep their patients here for more than a week because they don’t have money.
There is also quiet a high amount of addiction cases and I have already met and still work with 3 of them. Sad too many of their families have abandoned their patients and either care very less about them.
I generally see patients first and connect before reading their records, most records are filled with so much negativity and bias and bring out all things violent or pointing to need for incarceration and fierce treatment with ‘no mercy’ anti psychotic shots like haldol and valium oh my…
I take it in strides and many love me, indeed the lone bouncer there has started calling me to help him calm difficult patients ha. Some patients outright ask for me and some nurses too are not so pleased. But I go there only 3/week and the Major and Psychiatrist love me so and are so grateful I am there.
I mean, why would I pass on such a once in a life time opportunity to make a huge difference in my life and those of all these people hurting and suffering from all these debilitation, marginalization and stigmatization like my brother had, just because I am initially a lawyer and from a ‘noble profession and background?’

 

I have never doubted the intelligence my Almighty Father gave me. It is simply awesome all I sponge in, do, learn, love, share and embrace. No turning back for me, I embracing it all – all the way. His Amazing Grace is sufficient for me.

Gaby draws for a client

The boys are so proud of me and ask about my day. I tell them about my friends and sometimes they draw for them like Gaby did above for anty Love – she treasures that drawing and shows it off to everyone lol

Now, have you ever heard of an intern having an intern? Nadege above is a psychology major student who was sent to me on May 15th to train for two weeks before I leave. Here is a flash from our first day together. We took some pictures as she requested, and when she sent same to me, we had the following exchange (shared of course with her permission):

[14:08, 5/15/2018] Marie Abanga: Thanks for the pictures darling. Ravie de travailler avec toi (saying am happy to work with her)
[14:29, 5/15/2018] Nadege Psy: Don’t mention. Me too fière de bosser avec toi. Cette journée à été formidable (saying she is so happy too to work with me, and the day was a blast)

Our office is a hospital room, and we sometimes make a weary client to lie down for 15 minutes to the sound of some meditation music etc… we are out to help our friends as best as we can and am so happy to say I can give myself a 65% reach out. I go for walks with any I think need a walk or have that hot energy to burn out, I sit wherever with whoever, pray with them or sing or even just stare, hold hands, it’s all my spirit leading me. And it has indeed so done, I mean look at what one could manage to write on a worksheet I gave him

Another one who initially told me they don’t speak English, now greets me each morning as follows: “Hello lovely…” He gave me the large chocolate bar in the picture… many have given me little stuffs too, and it’s all so warm…

Be inspired and motivated with that passion and vision of yours regardless of your current circumstances or who says what around you. There is no doubt my just ended spiritual journey has fortified me bigtime for this once in a life time opportunity…

Happy midweek to all

And my ego and body took a big bashful beating hurray…


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photo taken 17.05.18

Hmm, that picture was taken on the day my ego and body conceded defeat at exactly 3am. I looked at the time when the thought crossed my mind that ‘this is it for your ego and body’.

I was recently on a spiritual journey of some length, and indeed pressure was not only coming from the outside to give up you know. My ego and body were spearheading the naysayers. Let’s start with fella ego shall we?

Are you sure you can do this?

Nobody asked me the above question out rightly except fella ego. I quickly ignored him and set about with my preparations, mainly emotional and spiritual, then telling my entourage (especially the boys you know). But you know fella e, he lies in wait and pops again even in your sleep. Anyway, it’s all come to pass and I did it…big time and all the way…

What will people say?

Both fella e and the fella Es of a few ‘concerned’, asked me the above a few times. What if they say you are sick, be it physical or mental you know. What if they shun your services and you can’t survive like that anyway, what if, what if!!! I decided to write an official I need no one to believe in me post here on my blog to take care of that once and for all…

You are losing far too much weight and your health too you know

I should be weighing 70/71kgs which is 4kgs below my ideal although my ideal for BMI is 73kg. So what is the alarm? Yes I had some mild health challenges with an inflamed eye which all but shut down and some equally mild RA flares lasting 3 days each, but I mean spiritual journey or not, that could happen. So no all fella Es, the spiritual journey wasn’t going to be stopped. I took several different meds and products for the eye thanks to misdiagnosis, but thank God none was to be taken during the day nor mandatory with food – sorry this approach too didn’t work. I even told my GA when that eye started that it was but a distraction

Give them a piece of your mind like the real you would back in the days

At the start of stage 4, I faced what I will call the most emotional challenge I had ever faced since starting the journey. Fella E nagged at me to give it a piece of my mind and abandon the spiritual journey if it’ll cool tempers and let ‘peace reign’. Well, prima, I listened to my spirit and waited 7 days before giving a piece of my serene mind, and then when the challenge continued I shut down emotionally and said I felt that was the best option for this stage (turned out to be one of Grace – and that was the best decision I made from every indication). You see fella E, you don’t know any real me and you can’t lure me with any of your trapings. I wouldn’t even bother to give you any piece of my mind – let me address your sister body now

A nagging swollen eye

It could sometimes get worst
The worst of a distraction

It started like a joke on the 26th of February. I quickly felt in my spirit that was going to accompany me through out the spiritual journey and although it will be a distraction so no ‘unwanted’ questions are asked about the spiritual journey itself, it turned out to attract a lot of attention. I decided from the very beginning to deflate my ego by baptizing the eye “our healing eye”. I told God it was “our eye” and He knew how much we needed that eye. I however told Him what my spirit told me which I know He was aware of, the swelling or inflammation was a distraction and I treated it as such, stopping barely to sleep at night.

I went about my activities and took up riding the bicycle the more inflamed it got. I read An American Marriage the weekend the eye got to its worst (48hrs to finish that epic novel because I got it from a sister who brought same from the US and was yet to even read the cover)… the eye got its final dose of healing on the 13th of May 2018 and that was another exciting chapter closed in that thrilling journey.

Tiredness and Sour Mouth

The last ditch from my body to get me to stop this just ended awesome spiritual journey was to threaten to breakdown. The last week in particular was spectacular. My sleep was literally messed up. Sleep 8.30 pm – 2.27 am and then toss around with some REM sleep for maybe 30-45mins and then give up – and then embarrassingly nod off occasionally during the day on the spur. Three days after it started, while meditating, I got the aha, that is the last attempt. Even the sour mouth which I thought was due to meds was rather intensifying although no longer on meds. Well, I slept much better today and the sour mouth is getting better.

And so dear all, that in a nutshell is how my Ego and Body disturbed and and got a big bashful beating. The spirit was so willing to the point that no weak flesh could deter it.

Be inspired and motivated someone, hope you are enjoying the weekend like I am doing lol

Cycling all the way to the finish line…it was worth it…thank you God, thank you Universe


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Picture taken 06.05.18 Healing eye was still taking its time too lol

God is God, God is not Man…He has done it again in my life period.

Watch this 18 seconds celebratory clip lol

It has been with tremendous honour and humility that I cycled on, braving it uphill amidst sometimes intense emotional, mental and physical challenges, some from quarters hard to imagine; while also at other times, sometimes steadying my balance as I sloped downhill especially towards the end of each stage of the journey started last March 01 2018.

Spiritual Journey Notebook
These notes may make another memoir someday right?

Can we say this was a spiritual journey or what? It can’t be explained to anyone’s satisfaction – I just came to conclude; I can only share some to hopefully inspire and motivate so that anyone set out on any dear project of theirs, especially one of a ‘spiritual cum purification’ nature, will brave on and hang on … yes it was worth it. Let me try to sum it more…

So, this was a four stage spiritual journey dictated to me by my inner voice (call this crazy am ok with that – I do work in a psy ward anyway); and you could refresh on my preparedness for each stage by clicking 1, 2, 3, or 4.

I got to find out the names of the stages and the reason for their breakdown into 7, 14, 21 and 28 days on the first day of the 4th stage last April 23rd (this happened to be the anniversary of my beloved Grandma’s passing and I was real emotional). So, the stages were dictated to me to be:

Stage 1: Stage of New Beginnings (7 days were sufficient for me to see how new it would be if I persisted)

Stage 2: Stage of Determination (14 days was ample time to get real and hang on)

Stage 3: Stage of Discipline and Dedication (This was the make or mare stage and only perseverance for 21 days could take me on)

Stage 4: Stage of Grace (28 days to feel the Grace to my core amidst all what can go wrong and right full cycle)

Come on someone say wow, this happened and happens to me… am so in tune with my spirit and my world inside out, my prayers have been answered, I guess this is the price I was thinking I am very well prepared to pay, to benefit from and deserve to keep benefiting from all these gifts and responsibility and the accompanying Graces…I am so proud of me, I am my own heroine…dare to be yours for you sure can…

I will be writing more in the days ahead, today I am simply in awe of my tenacity and resilience; including the 3 days break in between stages; I fasted and watched myself like a hawk for 79 days…

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Eating some day with near fire and fury after I broke my fast – captured by Alain lol

I’ve got to learn to eat and do other stuffs again lol, but I don’t miss not shouting, getting angry and having attack thoughts…serenity and discernment are really my daily portions now… Aw I love this new me and am so proud of her…she is indeed a brave lady and will live her purpose in all faith…she self-evaluates herself at 85% and this is an A PERIOD!!!

For tonight, let me go and celebrate with my muskeets at this new Ice cream house (opened in January but we had to have a big reason to go check it out lol – with us it’s always about making memories out of moments) in our neighbourhood. We had decided in our last family meeting to draw a budget and save to go check it out when I crossed the finish line of my official spiritual cum purification journey.

I know it is a life time journey, and am ok with this… I am well passed lesson 100 of the student manual in A Course in Miracles, and taking it in strides with the other sections of the book. One day I may write about my journey studying and practicing all am learning in there…

A very soulful expression of deepest gratitude to all those who encouraged and motivated me with encouragements or otherwise. You may have been very few, but quality has always mattered to me over quantity.

I just got struck by Marianne Williamson’s quote on our deepest fear yesterday and I find it so apt to summarize this journey I so bravely undertook.

Some reached out to me, seemingly concerned about the length of the fast and the physical effect especially with an inflamed eye quickly confirmed by them to be a result of the food deprivation – come on, food was the least I was working on or fasting from. Others were scared I had joined a sect or was visibly mentally ill/challenged and should seek professional help – I think my Age and tenacity saved me. I was left in awe and near mute where all this fear came from, why some could be seeming led by fear to the edge of outright panic attacks? So what is this deep fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Be inspired and motivated everyone, have a great weekend

Come on Stage 4: When I think of the Prize, I am very prepared to pay the Price


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My spiritual journey reached its climax in stage three. Stage four may seem the longest to fast from food in a stretch ie 28 days, but I am very good to go. I have done two 30 days stretches before and am already familiar with that arm of fasting. Actually through out this journey started March 1st, of all things am fasting from, food is the last on my mind. I am proud of how fasting from all the other 6 vip things has been going.

Some small tips:

 

  1. Keep busy, live your life, and keep a cheerful/real demeanour even with a swollen healing eye – so grateful it ain’t a swollen spirit or soul lol;
  2. If you know your why, and then the how plus when, why bother answering the what? You can save that energy cause your resilience will speak for itself lol
  3.  When you break your fast from food each evening, hydrate yourself as much as possible and eat the most balanced next to natural food you can (this has proved a little more challenging for me in this stage though, my belly seems to have shrunk and the appetite taken a hit – but am hanging in and doing my best) ; and while at vip self-care, brush your teeth often and use mouth wash + of course shower a time or two more each day – it all feels so refreshing…

 

I am busy with my internship as a therapist and my studies in psychology (just finished an online diploma course), add this up with single motherhood, my writings plus all the reading and other professional occupations, and you can tell I sometimes struggle to keep track of time lol…indeed am so grateful to the universe… I had the most thrilling first day at the psychiatry unit, starting off by doing something I just so love – cleaning so we could settle down quick and start receiving patients lol

 

I had nine good days home alone this Easter – how grateful could I be?

One other big big bonus from my spiritual journey so far,  is that I have a much clearer and concise picture of my 3 but interconnected career paths…

Thank you all who have been wishing me well all along, by grace in 28 days, and these will fly by pretty soon…

the sports is on esp on day 35
Photo taken on day 35, full workout to celebrate 50% mark which happened to be day 14 of stage three – nicknamed our Valentine’s Day (my God & I)

 

Sharing notes from Soul Prints: Your Path to Fulfillment by Marc Gafni


Soul PrintPre script: This is a close to 1500 word post, you may want to read it in parts, but trust me it is worth the read. I read this book almost a year ago at Darling Donna’s, and kept holding back from sharing my notes until now  – I don’t also feel like sharing it in parts. fortunately this is the one but last post am sharing for the next 28 days

Your soul print is your spiritual signature. The people and places touched by your soul are imprinted with your mark, with your essence. Everywhere you walk in the world, you leave behind your beautiful, valuable, matchless print of your soul ( same concept as finger print).

Living our soul print can bring us profound connection to ourselves, to others and to God. People will walk with you- the more defined the path of your soul.

Finding your soul print part is the ultimate way to transcend loneliness and estrangement from yourself, others and God.

  1. Introduction to soul print
  2. definition and nature of soul print consciousness
  3. soul print calls – i.e soul’s vocation and how you can fulfill it- the ability to respond to the unique call of our soul is essential in achieving joy and fulfillment in the world.
  4. Soul print story – the magic that comes from living your own authentic, unique and sacred autobiography. Once you live your own story, you will no longer feel the desperate need to live in someone else’s and that the source of all jealousy that causes so much unhappiness in our lives.

Through telling, reclaiming and renewing your soul print story, you attract to yourself resources that help you live your story in the world.

Every human being is infinitely unique, dignified and valuable.

“The struggle with the mistakes of my past has only deepened my knowledge of and faith in God as well as in myself.”

We can swing our lanterns but for them to illuminate our way they must be lit.

The more our soul print connects, the sharper our signatures and the more sustained and expansive our souls will be.

The gift of loneliness

Magically, just by the act of naming, we are able to dispel some of the darkness in our lives, we have for long denied. Then we can move towards the light. What drives us in this world is our attempt to move from our loneliness to a place of relationship, connection, and loving; after all is said and done, after all our  self realization and accomplishment, our self-esteem and degrees, our meaning making and our financial success, we still feel lonely. Jung said one does not become enlighten by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. There are different types of lonely

  1. lonely even in a big party
  2. lonely though married
  3. lonely as a single with no partner
  4. lonely because you feel irrelevant insignificant…

and Jung asserts that loneliness for him is the inability to share the essence of who I am my soul print with another. Soul prints give evidence to our individual beauty. Your beauty includes everything that is you. Your weaknesses, your strengths, your pathologies and your dreams. Joyous is one who believes that he has a unique destiny a soul print. To believe is not to believe that ‘it’ is true, but that ‘i’ am true. When you live your soul print you experience your truth and are thus freed from the need to affirm your truth by believing in an external set of dogmas. When you are doing an activity which makes all the difference in the world.

* Be careful of labels and letters

When we hold on to labels and self definitions, we refuse to treat ourselves as full humans with infinite potentials.

When we give them to other people, or types of people, we estrange ourselves from other people’s soul print. Labels are the arc enemy of soul prints.  Relying on them is like trying to take someone’s finger print when he is wearing a band aid. Labels control and suffocate the soul instead of nurturing the soul print.

*Five positive I can statements vs five negative I can’t statements

How many did you hear from someone?

* Why are you lonely

  1. You have a reception problem, you can’t find another who will receive your soul print;
  2. you have a perception problem, you don’t perceive yourself as unique or believe you have a soul print. Your soul print remains unrecognised even and especially by yourself;
  3.  You have a transmission problem, you have someone to receive that soul print  you perfectly perceive but you haven’t learnt to communicate it to this person.

* Three ways we can transcend our profound loneliness through the work our soul prints call us to

  1. Receiving the soul print of others
  2. Believing or perceiving our soul prints
  3. Communicating our soul prints to others.

RECEIVE IN GRATITUDE AWE AND LOVE

Soul print consciousness invites each of us in our closest relation, to receive our loved ones as they are and not only as we might want them to be. If someone is able to receive your adult self but can’t receive your child self, then you will remain lonely for your soul print has not been received;

* FIRST OWN YOUR LONELINESS

To be intimate with yourself is to know your uniqueness and to be intimate with another is to share your uniqueness. We can bring God flowers. Spontaneous and premeditated acts of kindness, little and large acts of kindness and caring, bring divinity to life in the details. The greatest gift you can give to a significant order is to receive an act of love- and deep inside us, we know that a person who doesn’t need anyone else is actually less developed, less perfect and less powerful than a person who has needs and who can acknowledge those needs.

The more intricate the pattern of your soul print, the more difficult it is for it to be understood and received by others. The deeper, the more nuanced your experience, the fewer people you can share it with, that is the risk of depth. Yet when a profound soul print sharing thus happen it is all the more powerful and gorgeous.

*TO RECEIVE ANOTHER’S SOUL PRINT YOU MUST BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN FIRST

Soul print hints can be sudden and cataclysmic or slow and subtle. Slow and subtle soul print hints are live events, places and images that happen over and over. They are patterns in life that points you in a particular direction e.g running into the same person often, same dynamic at work, same types of relationships, dreams, movies, songs, plays, places, longings, illnesses etc. which we occur over extended or repeated number of time. And may have underlined teams, coded messages, or may be thinly veiled warnings or guide posts along your path. What calls you? Beyond our important tights with any important community, we must all create and undertake our own spiritual journey. It is the faith of our unique life/ calling like that of no other.

* To be called is to have a message to deliver; a song to sing, an instrument to play, we are messengers each with that piece of the message and we are that piece of the message to.

* You can be called to work in a specific area in your personal growth, it must not be a public call or affair to the extent where we forget that our own growth, our own learning and the healing of our particular soul may well be our purpose in the world. Every soul has its own lessons to learn, its own healing to undergo and its own wisdom to share. To identify your special place of healing and learning must be the most important part of learning your call.

* We need to create our own opportunities, open our own portals to possibilities and transformation. Once we open the door, even a crack, the universe may open all gates for us. The first step in the soul print test needs to be our own.

Every moment in time, every encounter with a face, is a soul print invitation, we were born to accept those invitations. Every person we meet in a significant meeting possesses a piece of our story. Some people may have a sentence, others a missing word, while still others may hold a paragraph or even a whole chapter. Significant meetings involves soul print encounters, of course the ultimate soul print encounter is with your significant other in life your soul print partner. The person you choose should be the person who can return to you a significant piece of your story which you have lost, disconnected from or ever imagined you could possibly have. Same conversely, a soul print encounter is in no sense limited to romantic partners nor has soul print encounters limited to long term connections within our fixed pattern of being. If you can understand your life as the process of unfolding your soul print then the passage of time can bring great joy to you as well. You will know what to do, the key is to do something. The soul print is in the details.

There is a more effective alternative to skinning a child alive & other musings


 

This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.

Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?

Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.

On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.

She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.

Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.

It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.

Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.

This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.

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And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.

I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ.David's inspiration I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.

I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.

How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?

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What do you want? This may sometimes proceed from what you don’t want


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It’s a sign of maturity for me to know what I want and what I don’t want

I remember when as a hyper active kid ( I guess I could very well qualify for what will be categorized and drugged today as an ADHD kid), my exasperated mother will exclaim: You this child what do you want? Several years have passed and I am 39 years today and recently got a satisfactory answer for this question.

You see, the answer didn’t just pop up like that, I was reflecting on my life and all the the things I have been doing and what I like most about the woman of faith and conviction I am becoming. I then stopped just this past March around the 26th, and I asked myself what I didn’t want to be made of it all.  The way the question popped up actually took me aback. Why should I bother what is made of my life by someone but me? But the reality is that once a public person, regardless of the category, quality or renown, your life is subject to all sorts of interpretation and conclusions.

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It may thus indeed be a very apt time to define my life specifically by what I don’t want – hence end up with what I want.

I don’t want to be accepted!!! I want to be respected!!!

There you go and that is what I got from deep within. And I turned this over, meditated and contemplated, and then came to the conclusion that was it. I didn’t write the prayer/bible verse inviting us not to conform ourselves to the standards of this world… (easy thing to do or not is not the subject of this post), but I have always love that prayer and consoled myself with that when told I was unconventional – this has come to stick as I adopted and embraced same and go by that among other tags.

And seriously, if am I not accepted or respected, I don’t care, what matters to me is self-acceptance and self-respect. It is the person’s business if they want to take me or treat/relate with me any way – all I can control is my attitude to their actions or reactions, and I have chosen to go an extra mile by stating clearly what I want/what I don’t want.

Now, is this daring? Is this dashing? Is this doable? I don’t know, I just share some of my musings to inspire and motivate, and why not to simplify myself further

 

What is my Secret or rather Style???


What is my style (2)
I AM NOT DISTRACTED BY THAT NAGGING SWOLLEN HEALING EYE, SO PLEASE DON’T BE (Photo taken 30.03.18)

 

I haven’t been out rightly asked this question – at least not yet, in as much as my spiritual journey cum purification is concerned. Indeed, nothing intriguing to find out about it all if fasting for 70 days (especially from food lol) were not involved in any way. When I received the message from within that I was to embark on this journey (barely two or so weeks before the due date), and that one of the highlights will be a 70 day fast broken down into 4 stages with a 3 days break between each stage, I couldn’t give up and laugh at my own inner voice. Nope, that’s not me – I am the type obviously who thinks of solutions and not focus or dwell on the situation, scenario or outlook. When you have what you yourself qualify as a stubborn but passionate faith, words like ‘impossible’ don’t faze you – they fuel you. I loved the idea of a spiritual journey, even if only to get me further grounded in my life and aware of who I am and what my purpose in life is, then I was all in. How to go about this journey whose road map I happen not to have, is the whole thrill.

I am proud of the journey so far. It’s candidly been so rewarding even if I may look, be or feel foolish sometime. It actually seems I have a secret right?  I don’t want to call it a secret but a style lol. You know a style like Usain Bolt’s when he runs that fast and shoots his hands in the direction of…like gimmie more…

What has been my style since March 1st 2018 when I started out on this thrilling but complex journey?

  1. I sought to understand what a journey like that could demand and how good in shape I was for one. It doesn’t matter how long this period lasted, it matters how well it lasts. For me it went so well. Three days into this mind and soul exercise, I was ready for the journey. I had three more days to actually start warming up, explaining to my sons (and of course my GA) what was going to go on for the next 70 and more days with me, writing different stuffs down and plans, including a grand celebration plan for give or take May 20th;
  2. Talking about plans, I knew I will be spending some waking hours without food or water, and will have to replenish for two good hours when I broke the food fast daily at 6 pm. Given my own self-imposed rule not to eat after 8 pm except in very special circumstances, this means I have only two hours to drink at least 1.5 l of water and eat plenty of nourishing stuffs (not any easy sometimes, and I battle). If am still around and looking this way, then it means am trying my best;
  3. Trying my best also means trying not to focus at all on what if any am missing on this journey, but look forward or even dream about all am gaining and going to get once am done. This approach has kept me going, even in the midst of great endurance, mental and physical challenges including big objections, frustrations and distractions, including a nagging swollen but healing eye;
  4. I am gratefully seeing the swollen eye find its way out (even if it may seem not so evident lol), and lots of other stuffs I am fasting from don’t even mill around my mind -I could even sit through an Easter meal and not bother. I hardly think of food until 6pm or more, I don’t have attack thoughts and try very hard not to entertain any which strays. I am quick to be compassionate and forgiving towards myself and others who visit in any form with objections, frustrations and distractions;
  5. Last but not the least, talking about others, I decided because I know from precedence; that I was not going to care very much about who thought, felt or did what in relation to my spiritual journey and chosen path (s). So far so good. Some have seemingly understood my style and settled down in their corners, while others are almost out of energy trying to ‘fight’ me or ‘get’ my attention. Given that I have assumed total personal responsibility and accountability for this spiritual journey, I share here because that is in line with my purpose, but I am very serene and nearly not discerning about any unsolicited advice I may get. And all of that is my style for my spiritual journey…

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mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences

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