Child Sexual Abuse: Today Georgi, who next???


Sexual abuse of our children and young girls in Cameroon is becoming a call for concern.

It was barely a month ago that we learned of the case of 10 years old Marie Fortune who had been viciously and consistently raped by her aunt’s husband, leading to her death barely 10 days after being admitted in the hospital.

Child abuse so glaring to a faultLast Friday 15th, we saw a picture on Facebook of a heavily pregnant 11 years old, and before we could reach out to the source to investigate and do some further advocacy, we received the following distress whatsapp chat from another victim [15/03, 12:25] Georgi: Bonjour Madame

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’aimerais que vous prenez le temps de lire ce document

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’ai besoin d’aide et je pense que vous pouvez m’aider à avancer dans ma vie

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: Mais je vous supplie de le lire jusqu’à la fin

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: C’est long je sais. Mais j’ai essayer d’être brève du mieux que je pouvais

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: J’ai eu votre contact via un site internet après une longue recherche sur le net

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: SVP ne me rejeter pas

[15/03, 12:54] .Marie A. Abanga: Salut Georgina, je vais la lire et revenir vers vous ok? Non je ne vous rejete pas.

She reached out in French and anyone who doesn’t understand French can kindly google translate same. She was pleading with me to read the 4 page story she sent me, and not to reject her. She concluded by saying she desperately needed all the help she could get because she wasn’t working/earning any income. I actually received her at my home(which serves as the temporal offices and center of the association Hope for the Abused and the Battered) that same evening at 5 pm, and we had a soulful hour and a half together.

We need to help Georgi find safer accommodation because where she moved to is still just as taxing although no more sexual abuse. The stigma, insults and control is taking a toll on the now 23 years old Goergi.

We also wish to help her to do a thorough medical check up because she still has pelvic pains and can’t afford to go to the hospital. Our Founder (that is myself – a certified CBT Therapist and Psychologist), is offering free psycho-therapeutic sessions to Georgi for as long as she needs these.

No donation is insignificant.  By Grace, the H4AB mental health care support center and safe halfway haven for victims like Georgi will be opened. Visit our website to know more about us, and to contact us directly to join or support our work. God bless us all. Thank you in advance as you donate and or share our campaign Georgi’s story in full and in French: could be read on our facebook page right here.

Follow this link to donate please: https://www.gofundme.com/MarieAH4AB

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Commemorating not just a day, but an entire week in honour of my womanhood


I chose the word commemorate instead of celebrate for different reasons.

I want to talk about how I made the International Women’s day 2019 memorable for myself and others. To begin with, the theme for this year was significant from two perspectives. #BalanceforBetter makes me think of two types of balances. The balance we women have or should strive to have with ourselves and with other sisters, and the balance of between the genders. All these balance for me are for the better.

I started going on air as early as the 4th of March as a guest on the Catholic radio and TV broadcasting media house called Veritas – the truth will set you free. You see, I am already a household name in my country especially in my community – and I am often invited to talk about pertinent societal issues like abuse and  of all forms, mostly drawing from my personal experiences. The candour with which I share make them invite me 3 times a year at least. I love going there too. I commemoration of my womanhood and my journey so far, I had a very authentic and even vulnerable 1 hour with the host.

The next day 5th of March I was on another platform called LTM TV where I was talking specifically about the sexual abuse of girls and women – the focus was on the vicious and consistent rape of 10 years old Fortune who had died on the 25th of February from complications. My advocacy was that if we didn’t put an end to such sexual abuse especially of young girl and babies even, where was society going to have the kind of women it needed? I mean strong, resilient, hardworking and even God fearing women.

The very next day at 10 am I accompanied my mum and a panel of ladies to a daily show called in the House. The topic was the Challenges of female entrepreneurship and leadership. That too was so beautiful. The advocacy here was that we women had to stand up and push on. We had to keep hustling for our own financial independence, while asking assertively for a seat on the table – or better still draw up our own table like Meghan Markel Duchess of Sussex once advocated in a speech at the UN Women.

Thursday the 7th of March I went on air twice. At midday I did a Facebook live video to celebrate a very enterprising World Pulse sister here by name Agnes Kuoh. She has a foundation called Agui Foundation which trains women to be self reliant by doing a lot of stuffs they needed at home, and why could also be sold to gain some financial independence. She and I have met and bonded and I really appreciate her. I had already been on TV the prior week talking once more about female entrepreneurship using her example. AT 6 pm the evening, mum and I along with 3 other dynamic young ladies once more made up a panel to discuss a re-strategy of the IWD concept especially in our country which had infamously become renowned for excesses in drinking and debauchery of some women on the 8th of March. My mum seized the opportunity to announce the launch of her coaching and mentoring program.

Thursday 8th of March D Day proper, over 15 ladies were convened at my mum’s Diversity Management and Consulting Ltd firm for the launch of the ” Coach a girl to thrive program’. We had over an hour of training from her and fruitful discussions by all present. We ended the day with a little office cocktail, while I sat down soon thereafter to do a live video calling on women celebrate themselves and one another not only on that day but always. We women had to learn to be a sister’s sister and be there for one another like Michelle Obama famously encouraged.

Celebration is not the appropriate word for me when we think of what is going on in my country in the two English speaking regions of my country. A civil unrest poorly managed has left hundreds dead, some hundreds exiled, and many more hundreds internally displaced. To commemorate is defined as to serve as a memorial or reminder of; to honor the memory of by some observance of a day set aside by the international community for women to do the most they can to say “Look at us, we deserve to be noticed too, and we are here to stay, stop abusing us and relegating us to the back seat”.

The other days of that symbolic week were spent doing live videos on other aspects of our womanhood in my capacity as a survivor of Domestic Abuse, as founder of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, as a psychotherapist and above all as a Christian. I equally participated to the best I could to activities organized by my church for the women – these took place on Saturday and Sunday 9th and 10th March. I can only be honest to say I have never commemorated any IWD as passionately, purposefully and holistically as I did this one. I am most grateful to the universe for the energy and opportunities.

The only way I can celebrate my womanhood is to renew my pledge for a better girlhood and womanhood


 

Some things happen in your society which affect you to the core even if you are not ‘related’ to the victims or parties concerned. An incident like that which happened last month in my country Cameroon, I mean in my city of Douala even, concerned a vicious rape and consistent defilement of a girl child for two years. The 10 year old girl finally gave up the ghost in hospital after two years of rape by her aunt’s husband, after developing waist trauma and cancer.

Yes, she is a girl, and not even my daughter some may say. But nope, she would have been a woman tomorrow, and she could have been my daughter. Our collective society is traumatized by such a despicable act, and this got me really thinking. I asked myself this: “Are you going to join other women to celebrate the international women’s day on the 8th of March this year under the theme #BalanceforBetter, when little girls women of tomorrow cannot even feel safe in their own homes? Where can any balance for better be seen here? I mean how many more rapes do we need to record in our communities before realizing how unbalancing it has all become? I was and I am still recovering from the shock of that act. I decided to make the following pledge to that baby girl:

Fortune I pledge

1) That I personally intend to seek an audience with Social Affairs and Justice Ministers, and work in collaboration with any other associations picking this case up;

2) That even if no one is joining me, I will do my best before leaving the rest to God;

3) That I wouldn’t worry about the resources to do what has to be done because I know God knows it all;

4) That I refuse to feel any stigma or entertain any stigma or naysayers on my way to seek Social Justice for your spirit, and all the others like you going through such unfathomable ordeals regardless of their age;

5) That in God I trust so that He will finish what He has started in and through me;

6) That the association Hope for the Abused and Battered which I founded last year, whose 3rd focus area is being the hope for children victims of abuse (especially sexual abuse), will champion your cause and those of the many others like you with all its energy;

7) That I make this pledge in all Faith, Hope and Charity. May God be my Helper for all times Amen

It was only then I felt like I am really living up to my womanhood, and that I could celebrate the freedom and opportunity I had to be such a fierce advocate for the abused and battered women not only in my community but in my country and the world at large. I think of countries where young girls and women don’t even dare to dream, they know that all what they can aspire to is become housewives the earlier the safer. I think of a documentary I once watched entitled; “India the worst place to be a woman”, and how grateful I was not to have been born there. I wonder which balance can be spoken of there and when it could ever get better.

There are several ways to celebrate our womanhood especially on the day the international community sets aside for that – 8th of March; let’s make it a celebration of impact and not just one of colourful fabric wearing and merry making as has been the tradition in my country for a long while now.

I am not saying merry making and fabric wearing are not good, I got my own fabric already stitched courtesy of my mum this very day. However, she knows I don’t do merry making on that day, I prefer participating in symposiums and media events to talk about female entrepreneurship, leadership and all other many issues hindering any real #BalanceforBetter; there is hope nevertheless, and I want to be the hope because I saw hope myself.

All about Hope

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When a 10 year old is consistently and viciously raped for two years before she dies…


At H4AB, It’s all about Hope: Hope for Children Victims of Rape: The case of Fortune RIP

Hope for Children victims of sexual abuse because this is the worst form of childhood abuse we can ever imagine (26.02.19)

Fortune: Just 10 years old but her life was hanging on the drip. Viciously raped over and over by her aunt’s husband. She rested in the Lord yesterday 25.02.19 at around 2 pm. May she rest in but may her rapist know no peace.

Family matter it may be said, but the law is clear. This innocent child had been raped for 2 years consistently and viciously by one who was supposed to be her guardian.

Some legal colleagues and my humble self had been brainstorming how to take up the case pro bono. We had tried to make contact with her family and finally got to visit them in the hospital last week.

It was but normal that the first visit just be a familiarisation one, while we bring up the need to prosecute in our next visit. A visit which sadly wouldn’t take place.

Please all, let’s just say no once and for all to any suppression of information; and victimisation of victims all over again.

We parents and guardians can’t afford to continue pretending it’s ‘family matter’ and not good to expose perpetrators.

Imagine how much physical and psychological damage such attitudes cost the victims all the way into adulthood. Adverse childhood experiences is for real, and Fortune’s spirit is silently crying for Justice from the grave. The law on Rape in my country also leaves a lot to be desired.

Kindly help us draw public outrage and intervention by the Ministers of Justice and Social Affairs by signing and sharing our petition. We really appreciate: http://chng.it/Gn4F7bNH

I am asking by faith and hope for a return ticket to London


I am asking on the faith of Mt 7:7, and with a lot of hope. I took so long to ask because asking has never been easy for me – especially asking from the public like this.

Ask and you shall receive: Marie Angele Abanga is asking for a ticket to London – that is what I receive already spiritually and start celebrating today – ouf that was tough but I wrote it and just repeated it to myself

I was seriously thinking about where I was going to get a ticket to go to London next month, precisely departure on the 15th of March – return on the 10th of April. I was musing and prayer for 3 days last week, and on Friday my spirit said well Mt 7:7. I looked it up and I started crying. I had to calm down and then talk with some before doing this today.

Maybe I am not the only one who finds it so hard to ask – I wasn’t and still am not an ‘I want person’. So, I tried to be still some more to listen if there was an alternative to doing this, but nope if you need you will have to ask before you can receive.

So there I go, I am asking for help to get a ticket to go to London. I checked and that will be around 550.000frs cfa or maybe less if I search other airlines and get it early – although March isn’t a peak travelling season so my hopes are high. That will make approx 916 usd or 611 pounds. I am so hopeful Amen – I mean if I were just offered a ticket wow how amazing and graceful.

I got that UK Visa last October on my faith, and an invitation letter for a summit which was long over before the visa was even granted. It occurred to me before I even got the visa, that the real reason for the trip will be revealed to me later as well as the when I’ll actually travel.

Last month, I was invited in my capacity of founder Hope for the Abused and Battered association, to be a guest speaker at a Women’s Conference on March 30th in London. I am equally hoping to use the trip for much needed networking and partners sourcing for the association.

With a mental health care support center to open; as well as a shelter for victims of domestic abuse, partners and members are definitely needed from everywhere.

I therefore want to already thank all those who will be reaching out through whatever means, to help me get this covered.

I know how cheerful I have always felt giving, may you feel same way too. It is true there is more joy in giving than in receiving, but this time around the joy will be so mutual.

I remain yours Marie Abanga Global – MAG aka MAGnectic.

To God be the Glory for evermore

#askandushallreceive

#MAGmuses

#MAGinneed

#MAGtakesthelead

#MAGisintentional

#lamMAGnectic

#letGodandLovelead


img-20190203-wa0023Hello world,

I am so happy to find this post by Pete which I can only but Reblog. I am in Yaounde another city of Cameroon since the 1st of February, and I had decided this trip is for visiting as many as possible and just sharing my love. Love fills me with so much hope, I am confident in Christ sharing same…be it with my son from the streets turned marathoner above, or with Iris with whom I am in love since 2015.

img_20190203_200154

Basking in their love too. The official business I have is this am, but I am already so grateful I came and have so far done just as planned and even much more. Because I am Freedom and Love, it’s all about love to me…Love is the same as charity …read Pete’s post which got nothing short of my 5 stars

 

via The End of the Commandment

The End of the Commandment: All about Charity

40 specials I am grateful for as I turn 40 hurray


40 Things I am grateful for each year of my life

  1. Grateful to be born the bouncy baby I see in pictures;

  2. Grateful I can still remember the day my brother (RIP) was born – as well as my innocent prophecy which came to pass;

  3. Grateful to start primary school directly and be spared a dreaded nursery school (I started class one in September 1981 at 3 years 9 months – my elder sister had had such a bad experience with the nursery school teacher my dad had said no more nursery school for any of his children Amen);

  4. Grateful for all the fun and friends I have in my Deido neighbourhood;

  5. Grateful I am a force to reckon with in primary school, and my brother’s fierce defender whether he was at fault or not (I once fought with 5 girls from class 5 because they threatened my brother whose poop they had been punished to clean up);

  6. Grateful to have a best friend and be allowed by dad to go spend weekends with her family – this kept opening me up to a different life than the one I lived at home;

  7. Grateful to get along well in school without sitting still in class lol (was actually either 1st or 2nd and alternated with that best friend of mine LNM);

  8. Grateful to survive the big move to another city although that had such a price (my resilient spirit was being developed progressively);

  9. Grateful to belong to a group of 4 girls who took themselves seriously lol (this was the beginning of magnectic for real because I wasn’t looking out for friends in that new school but I seemed to attract many and could chose my friends);

  10. Grateful to be voted assistant senior prefect in class 7 (although I had gone there out of punishment by mum for my scatterbrain, that was the beginning of leadership and responsibility);

  11. Grateful to go to boarding school (I loved it so much, took me away from a cold war at home and already tired of all the falling out with mum and co – they eventually split a year later);

  12. Grateful to help my siblings and myself take it all in and adapt to our new lives at dad’s without mum;

  13. Grateful to be sent abroad for a 1 month excursion (visiting France and going on a mini cruise to England was simply wow – I kissed my first guy and he was from Rouen. Come to think I will date a man from Rouen for two great years several years later);

  14. Grateful to be crafty and cunning, and have the survival skills I have which save my brother and I from hunger and abuse countless time (you can tell things had changed drastically, a step mum was now in the picture and two of my siblings had managed to save themselves somehow – my brother and I lived through it all for 2 years);

  15. Grateful to start getting it what loving a boy could really be all about – this came with so much self consciousness and awareness as well as appreciation for life and God;

  16. Grateful to pass Maths O Levels because I had been threatened a repeat of the entire form 5 if I failed just that one subject (needless to say the rebellious arts student in me had given up maths 2 or so years earlier);

  17. Grateful to be that jolly and audacious in high school (just didn’t appreciate the fact it was an all girls’ school especially coming from a mixed school);

  18. Grateful to be more conscious of my studies even though it was still hard for me to sit at it for long lol (I did pass the GCE A’ Levels in the 3 papers I wrote with Bs etc, so fine right?);

  19. Grateful to try it out on my own in the university (finally in a university called UB the place to B, into the world of boyfriends and discoveries);

  20. Grateful I survived that abortion (I was scared to death but even more scared of what mum will do to me if she found out I was pregnant. I knew some had died in the process or risked never getting pregnant and so it was all so traumatizing);

  21. Grateful to graduate from the university with a good GPA and well lots of experiences from informal school lol;

  22. Grateful to start hustling why waiting for what next – the experience in the off license mum opened which I practically stocked, and sold in, and did the inventory of etc. etc. really taught me a lot;

  23. Grateful to settle down in another city with a semblance of a stable life as an intern at a law firm, and sort of responsible for myself;

  24. Grateful to be a mother oh my; circumstances aside, nothing beats this for me;

  25. Grateful to get into network marketing and all I keep learning;

  26. Grateful to get married and learn all the bitter-sweet-bitter lessons I learned from rushing like that into such a very serious thing in life;

  27. Grateful for my job with MTN which takes me round the country and gives me the opportunity to do a lot including buy my own first car, meet many people, and sleep in all sorts of places;

  28. Grateful for David my shepherd born with such gentleness, one he still has 12 years later Amen;

  29. Grateful I survive the loss of my daughter who died a day after she was born. It wasn’t an easy survival for the depression I plunged into led to an attempted suicide a year later;

  30. Grateful I don’t succeed to kill myself and terminate my 5 months old pregnancy in the process – Gaby that baby in the womb kicked me hard just in time. He isn’t named after my brother for nothing I now get it;

  31. Grateful for all my adulteries for they taught me what a mess I had become and the need to salvage myself;

  32. Grateful to leave that marriage one piece, the abuse got worse as time went on both ways and I just had to leave the marriage, my children and my country behind;

  33. Grateful for my time in the desert be it in the UAE, in Tanzania or in Belgium etc– I overcame and learned so much;

  34. Grateful for the new zest to make my mess my message and my tests my testimony;

  35. Grateful I publish my first memoir, the beginning of my big release and journey through forgiveness to all things lovely where I currently live;

  36. Grateful for the wonderful Super Super Hero who took me in and loved me so wonderfully for two years;

  37. Grateful I survived the death of my brother and was only completely down for a month – writing a book about his life was my life line then;

  38. Grateful I can finally finally live with all my sons in our own home – God is Good;

  39. Grateful for all I am learning and sharing and doing and the woman, mother, activist and all I am becoming; and for all the angels on my path;

  40. Grateful God is still saying something and I am listening with rapt attention now Amen.

 

Definitely a tale of from Hopeless to Hopeful; thank you for all the birthday wishes everyone.

My dream is to open a mental health care support center in my city some months from now. Kindly donate any amount you have to support me, I really appreciate. Here is the link

A World free of Violence is possible: Let’s commit to giving this a chance


 

I used to wonder as a child, why one parent beat me up so often and even ‘mercilessly’, while the other had discussions with me especially when I did something they or everyone was not so proud of. The only time this other parent gave me a total of 8 lashes, was when I broke the TV set (unintentionally of course – but then again…) back in 1985 when TVs especially in my country cameroon in West Africa, were still a big thing. Back then, TVs slept in your parents’ room or were locked up in an iron cage in the living room for fear of robbers. I used to wonder if this other parent who would use phrases such as ‘I will skin you alive’, thought of the adverse childhood experiences that trauma could and indeed has come to have in my life today. My relationship with this parent is still strained today although we are on terms with that past (I have long made my peace with all of that); that with the other parent has survived and it is still on discussions’ level especially when there is any issue at stake.

With the above example from my own life, I want to look at the possibility of a violence free world if we become aware of what we get when we are violent in anyway. Was it worth it all those violent outbursts of anger and relay of frustrations on the kid I was and was just trying to be? What was achieved if anything at all? What is the consequences today, not only on our relationship but on the other ones we have with others?

I will again be candid here, intending to spark serious reflections into the imperative need to commit to a world free of violence starting right there in our home and not on the streets or in conferences.

The first answer to my own rhetoric question is no; no it was worth the ‘skinning me alive’ – all that made me more rebellious and ‘difficult’ to handle. I recall today I would just dissociate at some point and one day ended up collapsing and only found myself in bed all embalmed. I wish I could say that was the last time I was violated and abused as a child. What could be achieved after such violence? Hate, loathing, spite, urge for revenge whichever way possible, more rebellion and the list goes on. But, we have I must admit, a two side coined consequence. I emphasize on this ‘two side’ because it could have been a single consequence: ‘More violence’ even if only subtle say non communications or outbursts of rage and tantrums into adulthood and ruined relationships. But, in my case, I am happy to say while the relationship with parent took big hits and is still on its way to recoveryville, I decided long ago I wasn’t going to ever ‘skin any child alive’. Indeed, my 4 sons know I don’t do beatings, I hold discussions or find alternative ways of dealing with what issue comes up.

I couldn’t some how for the sanity of me ever understand why one parents had to ‘hate’ me so to find violence the only or best way possible to call me to order, which one I still don’t know since it would appear even up till date they still think I am ‘a lost case’ needing some further call to order.

Violence does not necessarily result only in violence; indeed it leads very often to worst case scenarios. Lives may be lost completely, or to a mental health disorder, relationships may be forever ruined, the children may grow up so volatile they become easy preys for gangs, armed rebellion, drugs and debauchery, in short any and all things contrary to what must have ever been foreseen in the beginning. Girls may grow up so insecure and fall prey to abusive relationships, unwanted pregnancies or further gender based violence. What kind of mothers and parents/partners can they be expected to become or replicate?

Non violence is possible. I enrolled in an online course on non-violent communication last year and it was such a turning point. When one of my sons was ‘mercilessly’ spanked by a teacher in school because as a 9 year active child he wasn’t expected to be talking in class when bored, I opted for non-violent but firm communication until the issue was resolved to my satisfaction. The teacher met with the dean of studies and myself, we reviewed what happened and why, we looked at alternative ways all that could have been handled, we appreciated the issue currently at stake and the consequences if I pressed charges both with the school administration and the national delegation of education, and he made all amends as tabled including apologizing to my son and his classmates. I organized a talk and he shared our experience in a light manner, encouraging his colleagues not to resort to violence in school again.

That is the commitment I am talking about. It is possible, we have to give it a chance; It however has to start from the ‘grass roots’ that is from our own homes. In my neighbourhood, I am known as the ‘lawyer of children’. When I moved in here in 2016, one particular neighbour made me have violent flashbacks because they were always on their 4 year old ‘skinning the poor child alive’. One day, I refused to ‘mind my business’, and stormed to their gate hitting same with so much anger in me. When they finally opened up, I told them I was calling the commissioner of police for our area because they had no right to beat up a child like that (it mattered not if it were their child as they initially insisted). Their spouse probably tired by then to make any attempt at getting the beating to stop, just watched as our ‘drama unfolded’. Anyway, my involvement put an end to those beatings and the news spread in the neighbourhood like a wild fire – even spouses ever on each other’s neck started reviewing all that thereafter.

I don’t beat and all the other kids especially the young girls who are still sadly over laden with the chores more than the boys, love playing in my compound or just being around me, especially those termed ‘difficult’. I hold neighbourhood gatherings as part of activities of my association Hope for the Abused and the Battered, as well the other one I am involved in as Secretary General called Ripples of love – a name I am proud to say I chose.

Love is all we need; love is what we get when we sow love and not violence; a violence free world is possible let’s all commit to giving it a chance and be the hope for the world we want. Let’s have discussions on the table and not use our hands, whips or guns.

I am doing a fundraising campaign to open a mental health care support center for my association Hope for the Abused and Battered. If you can donate or share the campaign, please do. Attached is the budget in PDF, who knows where a funder or partner can be found?

budget mhbudget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p1 budget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p2csc and shelter 05.01.19 p2

A mental health care support center is my dream birthday gift – donate and make it happen


Hello World,

By Grace I have come up with a budget for my organization, as well as clear tasks. It is getting clearer and clearer. I am merely an instrument and I know my God is able. No knowledge gotten is ever wasted. Thank you papa for all the ways you took to teach me all I know today. I am forever grateful to all my past employers who pushed me to learn and gave me feedback I could constructively rely on to improve my performance today. Nothing is ever easy, sacrificing a saturday morning because you have to do it and no one else, is worth the cheer. Thank you to all Angels on my path, those who believe in this project enough and donate, those who will through their cynicism teach me more prudence, those who will through their prayer make it more spiritually grounded and ordained.
#Nothingistoohardtolearn
#attitudeofgratitude
#Hopefortheabusedandbattered
#thereishope
#bethehope

Visit my campaign and donate, thank you very much