Tag Archives: Discipline

I am an angry woman and a wounded single parent today


https://web.facebook.com/marieangeleAbanga/videos/1224200294388439/?t=4

I hope that link takes you to the live video rant I just did to explain and sort of manage my anger.

Here is a sum sort of: “I am an angry woman and single parent today. My son’s lenses got stolen in class yesterday in a minute and all I get when I go there today, is more interrogations of my son and I, and a call to calm down. The Dean of Studies says he will talk to the class. In the meantime my son can’t copy his notes, and is already feeling I don’t even know how to put it”.

Don’t know what any one in my shoes will feel about this whole incident, I don’t even know all the feelings am feeling currently

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Sometimes you may want to punish them and end up punishing yourself big time…


Hello world, I may be smiling in those pictures but one can one do?

So, those two guys D&G are still around because well their dad didn’t take them last friday as agreed for a month. Alain is on an internship and as is at dearest Grandma’s for the month since Sunday. You can imagine how all over the place my schedule now is. Indeed, since yesterday I have been working from home.

img_20180703_155901

Yesterday afternoon, I just had to stop at some point and take them swimming (gladly not so far from home and all free cause it’s their family business lol) so Gaby whom I had initially grounded, was about to make me lose my nerves for real with his pranks. Taking them there was to be honest therapeutic too for me and I could use that chilling and bonding time.

Today, ha David of all pulled some dishonest pranks and I decided to take him to the market with me. Oh had I forgotten his girlfriend Patience. I mean a trip that solo will last 20 mins max, ended up lasting 60 minutes. Gaby who had gone out without my permission and was specifically told not to step out, ignored the instruction and went right out to play.  Second grounding right? I found him dirty and asked him to bathe under my supervision. Well, he loves water and showed me just how much…ok relax Ayo… He wanted to go sit outside to eat and I said no, right next to me on the table while I work…what was I even thinking?

In short, he wouldn’t siest, has all sorts of stories and distracting stuffs he has to do indoors now, and I just ended after 2 full hours of sighing and near shouting to let him off…

I mean, there are days in the life of a parent especially a single parent…you just end up laughing at your own calamity…I really think I was punishing my own self lol

Hope this post makes us parents and single parents in the house laugh some…it was good release & anger management typing same off…and my mental health is vip for me…

Be inspired and motivated…one day it shall be another stage and story lol

p.s: anyways, all is well that ends well and I took myself out for dinner hurray. the last time was in December 2017 lol

Lessons of Effective Discipline shared with me by my son – Alain


positive discipline

A month ago, I realized I was losing it with the boys when I will get home and meet the house in a mess. I started giving timeout, not to them but to myself – I will rush into my room and lock the door and ask them to knock when they finish tidying up. I didn’t want to stay with them and spend the little energy I had screaming. But it was taking longer each time and I started praying for a better way – Alain was equally getting concerned and so the last time I gave myself a timeout, he came to my room when his siblings had gone to sleep for a chat (we sometimes have them in our capacity as GM and Deputy of Our Home Inc) – He brought his reader and shared with me what they had been learning in school on effective discipline. I share same in its entirety – of course it is left for each to appreciate as they deem.

Discipline is a strong virtue that a parent can leave as an indelible legacy to a child. The Biblical King David in one of his epistles in the Old Testament dubbed Proverbs says train up a child in such a way that when he grows, he would not depart from it. Effective discipline is a dire need for smooth going on of things. Many actors come into play for ‘child discipline’ namely the parents ,teachers,elders,older siblings, kith and most importantly God Almighty for who else can discipline a creation better that the Creator? This rhetorical question is considerate to the fact that nowadays children are taught in school and when parents seem to be losing it with the children, it deepens their attention for effective discipline. Often times, due to the openness between parent and child, they both exchange pleasantries in a disguise dialoguing form aimed towards attaining effective discipline as their conversation is content-filled with the divergent views of the different stages of better discipline.

Effective discipline can take four formats namely Instruction, Training, Correction and Closure.

When we talk of instruction, it is an embodiment of teaching and commanding a child which can take two forms that is formal and informal for outlining clear rules and regulations for the child to follow and using every situation to teach by modeling respectively: What this means is teaching by the power of your example and not the example of your power. This sets the bases for an obedient child to grow effectively disciplined.

Training a child for effective discipline is the second level which aims at obedience and maturity. Training needs affection in most cases so as to build proficiency and develop the child’s skills and be able to know the reason for disobedience since learning is complexed at times. Is disobedience as a result of willful defiance or childish immaturity? When the answer to this question is established, it gives way for the third level of effective discipline which is Correction.

Correction which is multi-facetted is the taking of an appropriate action to enable the child follow the instruction and training. The facets of correction will include direct assertive communication, time-out, natural or logical consequences and rewards. Whatever strategy chosen for correction which maybe punitive or to restitute, it is aimed at getting the desired rightful results of effective discipline which is obedience since this is seemingly a painful factor often times than not as the modes will differ if disobedience of instruction and training is as a result of willful defiance or childish immaturity.

Finally, here we are at the last stage of effective discipline which is Closure. Closure which has varied ways like hugging, holding or lovingly talking to the child when correction ends is a form of communicating with the child for him to know you hold no grudges against him/her but out of love you needed to effectively discipline the child by correction.

Since the bottom line is to earn effective discipline of the child and right up to the stage of self-reliance of the child when he grows older, the guiding factor of discipline therefore is love which is mammoth and thereby embedded on the parent more than a duty which he or she is often overjoyed to see the child grow up effectively self-disciplined and living up in stark radiance to the discipline with little or no co-ordination and correction.

I am so grateful for what I learned and the efforts am making and I hope sharing same helps any parents and especially singlemothers in the blogsphere.

Co-founding and Launching a mega coaching Platform – A Big & Bright Leap of Faith


Hello World, I took a great leap of Faith, as a partner and I on the 16th of May 2017 sat in my office and decided to found our own company called Inspiring Positive Actions Now Ltd. The first maiden event was last week and we were 30 in number. This week we are hoping to have many more and the key note speaker is none other than my mum. Her profile will follow the pitch and you’ll now know for sure who made and make me thick in many ways lol

Here is a business pitch I am working on you know… my dream and vision is oh so so huge it scares even me – I’ll appreciate your feedback:

Hi everyone, my name is Marie A. Abanga and I am the Co-founder & CEO of Inspiring Positive Actions Now Ltd (IPANow Ltd). IPANow Ltd is a mega platform for coaching and training to inspire positive actions in all areas of our lives. Our Programs started officially on the 28th of May in Buea Cameroon with an ice breaker for ladies. This is a nurtured vision, it carries a lot of my passion, determination and dedication. We draw from a rich experience of coaching and being coached; giving trainings; inspirational & motivational talks; and we want to tap into an in existent market segment in a region in dire need of inspiration and motivation with a bid to through personal experience and sharing, inspire positive, remarkable and sustainable holistic actions and transformations. Our goal is not only to carve a niche in the ever budding African Market, but to in a decade be among the global inspirational academies. There is so much potential for a business of this nature in a country and continent waking up to its own human potentials and resources to self stimulate its GDP leading to less reliance on donors and debts. Any investment in our persons and business, is sure to produce returns and the opportunity for assets revaluing and continuous business expansion.

I hope some of you may in 5 years time when I think we should be ready to go public, buy some shares right? And my mum‘s profile:

Mrs Bibiana MBUH TAKU is the Founder and CEO of Diversity Management & Consulting Limited (DMC Ltd)

She is a Master trainer & Instructional designer/Agribusiness curriculum developer

Professional Associations and Social Groups

  • IFC Business Edge Master Trainers network

  • IFC Africa Business Edge Trainers

  • Certified IFC Business Edge Trainer

  • Groupement des Femmes d’Affaires du Cameroun (GFAC).

  • Helen Atabong Asaba’s Foundation for Diabete, Women‘s Emancipation & the Empowerement of the Girl Child

  • Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing

My Mother My Model
Mum whom I love so much; mindful of all she’s been through with and for me and more

She is based in Cameroon and has had professional experiences in Benin, Burundi, Rwanda, Cote d’Ivoire, Togo, Nigeria, Mali & Senegal and a few european countries like Holland.

She started out her professional career in 1983 with the then American Life Insurance as an Assistant Underwriter and Claims, navigating her way through Pecten Cameroon, going back to school to attend ENAM and graduate as an Treasury Inspector, occupying different positions of responsibility with the Ministry of Finance, returning to Pecten Cameroon, leaving and going to work with Plan International as the Chief Operations Officer, returning once more to the Treasury in Douala, then Pecten Cameroon again right up to her voluntary retirement to set up her Consulting firm in the year 2009.

On a personal note, Ms Taku Bibiana is a dynamic single mother of 3 women the second of whom is Barrister Multipreneur Marie A. Abanga; her only son was called to Glory in August 2014. The Gbm Foundation for epilepsy & mental wellbeing set up in his memory greatly helped and helps her deal and heal from the pain & tremendous hurt of such a loss. She has written several articles, been featured in magazines and been a guest and VIP panellist on shows for various causes she is passionate about.

It is a great honour for us to have her as keynote speaker on Sunday the 4th of June 2017 as she talks to us on the theme: Turning Your Challenges into Opportunities and Thriving.

This discussion is not to be missed, we will listen and learn with Ms Bibiana Taku and Marie (sure like mother like daughter), will also share us some of the biggest lessons she learnt from her mother which have helped her thrived in her right.

Thank you very much
Thank you very much

 

Some say I took the easy way out: really?


easy way out

Hello world,

This post is a ‘rant-lite’ and also a call to authenticity and responsibility.

Some tough issues I have been dealing with recently especially relating to my holistic health, has provoked this post.

The title is literally a discussion I had last December with one of my former college children ( a local jargon to define children we take under our wings in college – boarding school). We were talking and they said the general buz out there in the bush ( another local jargon to mean abroad cause the notion is you go abroad to work your ass off like a farmer going to a real bush) is that I took the easy way out. I was so taken aback and all I could say then was: “really?”. Later on, because I still love them so much, I took the pains to explain to them why I chose to leave bush and relocate home, as if it wasn’t normal in the first place for a parent to want to relocate back home and be with their children.

I am therefore doing this post as an open reply to the bush buzzers, and an open challenge to all to dare authenticity and be responsible for their lives and choices.

Before I proceed, I will want to state that I did visit several ‘bushfallers’ ( local jargon to refer to those who live abroad) both in Europe and the US before my relocation home in August 2015. When many heard I was planning on relocating, they were mainly wow wow wish we could too. I think it’s also this ‘hypocritical irony’ (forgive my choice of words) that set me off when I heard the bush buzz.

I am an unconventional lady and I have taken off my mask. I try 97% of my time to dare authenticity especially since May 2011. I attempted suicide and know desperation; been near bed ridden for 2 years taking one meds after the other. I hit 115 kg (250 lb or so) at one point in life and felt so bad; really I should have taken an easy way out then had I known one. So, when I eventually fled home for bush leaving my boys behind, that could easily and maybe even logically be seen as choosing the easy way out right?

Look at some of the things I did or considered which should have literally prevented my relocation back home.

  1. I published my very unconventional memoir publicly declaring myself an adulteress and Al… Wow, what humiliation? What disgrace?;
  2. I published another memoir on my brother’s journey with a mental illness as if his having epilepsy wasn’t ‘stigma and shame’ enough!;
  3. I admitted to being a victim and propagator of domestic abuse in yet another unconventional memoir!
  4. And then bam, I published my own personal journey with mental challenges!!!
  5. Above all I had no sustainable plan lined out especially when my long term goal was to take my boys and live with them in our own home and raise them on my own!!!

So, considering the above, how was I anticipating my come back? How was I going  to face the public back home? What was I thinking? That it will be a smooth ride? That I will just fit in and resume from where I left and just find some economic, emotional and even mental stability? Physically I was in top shape, had succeeded in dropping and keeping off over 40kgs – so yes there was surely an easy way out maintaing that physical trend but was that all to it?

Look at what I was giving up from the new life I had managed to forge abroad:

  1. A wonderful relationship with a gentleman, one I still regard as my Super super Hero;
  2. ‘Illusive peace and tranquility’ from not having my children meaning I can do pretty as I want and go where and whenever I please (I mean, I know many bushfallers who send their kids back home to be raised by their parents for various reasons including the cost of childcare out there – the peace and tranquility I got from leaving and living without my own was ‘illusive’ – I don’t know about others);
  3. Some great relationships which could only be tended if I stayed in bush, lots of adventure like even learning to ride both a manual and motor bike, in short a new and more ‘modern’ way of living!;
  4. Insurance coverage which gave me access to the hospital, basic medications, doctors and specialists like the dentist – one I haven’t seen since I returned for lack of coverage and means or need!;
  5. And who knows, I may have worked my ass real out (I wasn’t already doing badly and could send some euros back home every now and then), and taken my sons over after maybe 3 -5 years (what they would have turned out then and how our relationship would have evolved, I can’t guess);
  6. The possibility of more stress due to the drop in standards of living, less income, difficult relationships, readapting to a culture after mixing up other bits from different parts of the globe…

So, reading all the above which I am greatly limiting because my intention with the post as I earlier said is to invite people to dare authenticity and be responsible for their choices;

DO YOU MY GENTLE READERS AND FOLLOWERS ALSO THINK i TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT?

 If that really is an easy way out what I have chosen, then why don’t many more take it instead of playing out their lives on social media and whining all they can behind their screens?

I am grateful for my choices; I am grateful for all the chances; I am grateful for all the changes

I don’t think any is an easy way out, the grass very often seems greener on the other side until you are stuck on it: I chose to relocate having found who I was looking for – and that is ME; I chose to dare authenticity and say it as I see and live it;

Have a great mid week o

Easy way out quote

Facing My Fears, series 4 BY ASHLEY ROSE!


I started posting the facing fears series of my friend ASHLEY ROSE Ashley Roseand I am glad to be doing the fourth and last one today.

For recaps; we could just follow the clicks 1, 2 and 3.

In the fourth and last post in these series, Ashley shares with us how she over came her fear of  – hold your breath – yes of becoming a writer.

Woah, how we often think some things are so natural. Read on:

“I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder roughly five years ago. Since being diagnosed, I have been on this journey of facing my fears. Some of my fears have been snakes, bridges, moving, and lately I have been facing my fear of becoming a writer. I know you may be thinking that is not really a fear, but it is. One of my friends put it best; she said she has not only a fear of failure, but also a fear of success. According to the book “Dancing with Fear,” the author describes fear as paralyzing and stifling future endeavors. So terrified to death, I started putting myself out there for the entire world to see. Okay, I don’t have that many followers, but you get my drift. Writing is baring ones soul and becoming vulnerable to others. I have always felt called to write and ever since I can remember I have wanted to write. So this is part of my current journey of becoming a writer.

Conquering my past: In the 8th grade, the entire class was asked to write down three professions that we wanted to be when we grew up; I wrote that I wanted to be a writer, teacher, and zoologist. I remember being so proud to show my list to the teacher, but feeling very discouraged when she looked at it and made a disapproving face. My heart sunk down to the ground. Why would she not encourage me to write? Am I that bad of a writer? I made it all the way to 8th grade with mostly A’s and B’s. Why does she not like my chosen profession? Mind you, my entire friends pretty much all put down that they wanted to be teachers. Yes, I have always been a different child. And no, I have not always embraced it. So for the first time putting myself out there and in my eyes, getting rejected, I started to rethink my destiny. To make a long story short, I decided to trade that profession in and try to find a more “realistic” career. Sadly, all the careers I have tried are all washed up and it’s just me and my pen staring at each other. My pen never left my side and neither did my true dream.

Keeping a journal: I toyed with the idea of writing a novel about four years ago, but procrastinated mid-flight. I decided to start journaling as much as possible. I started to have that feeling of pure joy again. Finishing a poem or discovering an ah-ha moment while writing was exhilarating. I had not felt this way since I was 13 years old. I wanted more of this feeling, so I continue to journal and create poetry.

Writing down every idea: After three years of journaling, I became so addicted to venting that I was writing more and more often. I learned how to get all the negative thoughts out of my head onto paper and then turn the negative thoughts into positive ones. With my mindset getting stronger and my need to write becoming deeper, I decided to write whatever came to my head. Some of these ideas were made into songs and rough drafts for books that I intend to write. My spirit lifted every time I created something. My creation was a reflection of me and I found a profound meaning in my life. My dreams were planting seeds.

Start finding gigs: After being a counselor and nanny on and off for the past eight years, I decided that I was burnt out from both professions. I no longer had any more energy to change one more diaper or help one more person with their problems. It was time to start living the dream I always envision. I was worried because I felt that I was getting too old to change careers, but the desire was much stronger than logic. I made a resume geared toward writing and started sending it out. Then I joined several online sites and started the writing process. My niche was writing about relationships, which I would not have been that great at if I did not have my experience as a counselor. Things started falling into place and more jobs lined up.

Published: Seeing my first article published online was amazing. I never thought in a million years that this long lost dream would ever come to pass. It will probably be the cheesiest article I will ever write, but it is mine. I knew at that moment that this is just the being of a long fulfilled journey that is ahead of me. I felt deep down that I am a writer. I am a professional writer. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I am so thankful that I faced the fears in my life and decided to follow my dreams. My seeds are now starting to blossom and I could not be happier.”

Source: Dancing with Fear: Controlling Stress and Creating a Life Beyond Panic and Anxiety; Paul Foxman, Ph. D.

What do we think of Ashely Rose and her series? How motivating are they?

I was so grateful to get these from her and I wish I could get more people share posts with me on my platform just like Talasi from Braver than Before generously did a while ago. Come one come all this is a very guest friendly platform!

Watch “Shit happens. Clean it up and move on! | Beatrice Achaleke | TEDxKlagenfurt” on YouTube


Beatrice is my heroine, my mentor, my boss from my day zero here on earth. No matter how long we stay without talking to or seeing each other, when we do it’s a bam.

Am still planning my trip to J’bourg.

Who is following Us to Africa? 

Who is giving themselves unapologetic permission to clean the shit that happens in their lives?

Kindly leave some insight here or on the clip, you never can tell who’s gonna be helped by your comment.

Have a great Sunday my e-family…

Amen…it lasted not even a week…my prodigal son is back


prodigal-son

Oh hello my e world, an update and some food for thought for the weekend maybe?

Last week, I shared here how I decided by Faith and not by Fear to let my last son go live with his dad and make his own experience.

Well, the experience lasted not even a week. My youngman is back home safe and sound as of the 25th. He is sure he got it. You needed to hear him pray last night, we were all so happy and had a pancake party.

Sometimes, when we let go and let Love and Faith Lead, the return is hundredth fold. It is that leap into the unknown which is so scary. We fight albeit mentally and emotionally to stay in control, to have it our way, to feel or face no pain, hurt, embarrassment you name it.

I mean this is history repeating itself. I equally left my mum to go live with my dad and survived 3 months before coming back home. Yes, there are some like myself (and my son) who will want to put their hand on the fire and make their own experience. After all, that flame may burn you and teach you some invaluable first hand (aid) lessons, or warm up your  determination further to get it right next time.

It was tough going to leave him there, but it was so glorious going to bring my young man back. Motherhood ain’t easy, parenting equally, but above all parenting solo ain’t the least; but by God’s Grace I am trying my best. I equally have such amazing and unconditional support from my family and friends, I am beyond grateful.

And so dear all, do we take anything from here? Do we have any to share?

Wishing us all a happy weekend

There goes my Gaby after my own heart 🙂

Tell: How was your kick off?


That was 45 mins into the early am of Jan 01, 2017
That was 45 mins into the early am of Jan 01, 2017

Hello world: So, so far how far as we say in my country? Another new year has upped and met us, and sure we kicked it off differently. So, while I ask and even beg of you who hop by to tell us in the comments how you kicked it off this new year, let me share my own story and the why behind that tough kick 🙂

Robin Sharma’s Predictions

Truth be told, I love reading and listening to all these motivational and transformational Gurus (yes the likes of Les Brown, via Lisa Nichols to Ekhart Tolle); and I take their predictions for mini gospel.

I got an email with Robin Sharma’s predictions for 2017 and this is a summary:

“It’s vastly important that you start the next 30 days with deep focus, high passion and great game.

The way you begin 2017 will set up how brilliantly you live it.

So definitely make a few new decisions and steps to get the new results and dreams you want to experience over the next 12 months.

Nothing happens until you move Marie”. 

Although I had made up my mind the day before to work out on the 1st of January especially as I was going to do that on my mum’s indoor bike, I had already on waking up started to find excuses not to. I told myself I had done another 45 minutes just on the day before and my muscles ached, that the midnight fireworks had disrupted my sleep and my brain needed more rest… But then, I read his email and I got up, dressed up and sat on that bike – which as many will agree is not the best of work out friendly apparatus around 🙂

Anyway, glad I pesevered cause 45 minutes later I could smile and even be happy with myself. That was my impressive kick – off…

Are kick offs that important?

I am no football fan but I know about the kick off ritual. I just don’t know for sure the exact pscycho-logic behind kick offs. But, as we are having them and loving them, it probably means they are a good thing. Maybe the way the kick off sets the tempo impacts the game? Anyway, I am looking forward to a great year and am gonna strive to stick to some wise predictions like Robin Sharma’s above…

And now over to you my gentle readers and followers? How did you kick off this new year and why? Thanks for sharing

Book Review: Taking the Mask Off: Destroying the Stigmatic Barriers of Mental Health and Addiction Using a Spiritual Solution by Cortland Pfeffer, Irwin Ozborne


taking-the-mask-off

 

This memoir was on my wish list as soon as I read that it was to be published. I follow the author’s blog and he has inspired me a lot, I got that soulful telepathic motivation to take and keep my own mask off… Frankly speaken, this book may not be on the spectre of the Four Agreements – well the author read and was inspired by that one too… but this book is another big bam revolutionary book not definitely for the chicken hearted. Truth be told, the authors did an incredible job especially with all the research in the book. And using his personal, amazing, and life impacting story – to all extent and with no reservation, gets me 5/5 PERIOD.

I don’t even know how to conventionally review this book… I mean I heard Oprah Winfrey on youtube say how her knees trembled when she went to interview Michael Jakson the Legend. She has interviwed thousands of celebrities yet she has never felt ‘nervous’ going to interview anyone. Gosh she herself is celebrity… This anecdote is just to say that of all the hundreds and hundreds of books I have read, I never felt so ‘Soul Strained and Soul Searched’ like I felt while reading this book… even reading the Four Agreements which I presented recently, didn’t move me to my marrows like this one… I related to different extents no doubt, but I sure do… I learn just so much… I agree to just so much…

229 Highlights | 231 Notes (This is from kindle – you can tell what I take out of this book)… I’ll share a few of my notes and then leave you with the encouragement to add this to your reading list for the season … you wouldn’t regret it – you’ll look at the New Year different – You’ll plan it differently and hopefully Live it Out Differently…

Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Location 989
If I can push people away from me, there is no chance they can get close to me and hurt me. If my emotional learning stems from fear and mistrust, I am not going to let random hospital staff into my life.
wow (My note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Location 990
The Power of Empathy
does much (My note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Location 1107
they did everything with love. Ahh, there it is. The other motivating factor in life: love. As described by Jack Kornfield in A Wise Heart, “When you love anyone enough, they will share their secrets.”
true (My note)

Thank you Cortland Pfeffer, Irwin Ozborne…

About Cortland Pfeffer
Cortland Pfeffer spent years as a patient in psychiatric hospitals, treatment centers, and jails before becoming a registered nurse and working in the same facilities. Based on his experience, this story is told from both sides of the desk. It offers a unique and valuable perspective into mental health and addiction, revealing the problems with the psychiatric industry while also providing the solution – one that brings together science, spirituality, philosophy, and personal experience.