Tag Archives: Fortitude in Adversity

A very emotional day: finally ready to see where he was buried


Hello world, some update from my village.

 Starting with if you’ll call this good news: the internet connection cut 3 months ago has been restored. Am therefore writing this post as a tribute to that restoration;

Second emotional news: I saw my dad and although I didn’t get a hug, I got so much more. I put my hand on his shoulder and he put one of his behind me too. Some may see this as a no event but to me this is such a big deal… See our smiles…gratitude for the peace… Also reconnected with my big step sister today am thankful and I spoke to the daughter of a late cousin I was so fond of. Indeed we had same surnames and age oh we were pals…

Third and toughest emotional news, I finally did go and see where my brother Gabriel was buried. When he died in the US and his corps was brought home, I flew in from Belgium but refused going to see where he’ll be buried. He is buried behind my dad’s compound, and although I have been here some months ago, I didn’t feel ready going there. Could my going there today mean I was ready for some sort of closure about his death ahead of the medical mission starting tomorrow?

Sometimes in life, some grief shake us up and we near lose our bearings. We have different ways and timelines of dealing with grief, but I wish we all give it a try and not let fear ruin it for us. Even grief at a relationship we so looked up to or one causing us so much pain, we need to find the strength to deal and heal for our mental wellbeing.

Wishing us all a happy weekend… 

I started the day with tears but am much better now… Sharing this to let someone somewhere going through similar stuff know they ain’t alone

It is hard starting all over; it is hard dealing with grief; somethings are so hard…


I lost my skipping rope four months ago and with that my skipping groove. Trying to start all over…ain’t ever easy but am not discouraged. I used to skip 500 at a go, today I could only do 200 average at a go. That’s still a big motivation even if I still feel less flexible than before. Yes you can, don’t give up…

Grief strikes: It is hard not to feel

My darling Donna lost her beloved father yesterday and I feel so sad I can’t be with her in this challenging moment of need

Secondly, a few hours ago I saw a young man on the streets whom I recognized as one of the altar boys at my wedding in 2006. He was so friendly and I met him a few times again thereafter in church and about. Today, he had a bag full of junk and was talking to himself – what could I do?

I travel to my village tomorrow – off network for four days

The medical mission our foundation is organizing kicks off on Friday. Our team leaves the city for the village 8 hours away on not so cool roads tomorrow morning. There is no network there and I will be hyper busy and yet super anxious about stuffs etc – I have tried since monday to prepare myself emotionally and mentally and I just keep my fingers crossed.

I will be taking my skipping rope with me and will try find time to go hike in the woods

Thank you for reading ( more of my short sport clips on my modest youtube chanel) e.g: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEJUclj_ZNM

I hate you: Please don’t leave me…


I hate and love you

Who identifies with such? I sincerely don’t know how to go about writing this post. Maybe this other picture can say some more:

hate and love how boderline

And sometimes, no matter how much we try or wish, we can’t even hug nor punch…

Do you feel a victim? Then this picture can help maybe? :

being happy with yourself

 

Reminds me of my post on where my peace comes from

Are you a propagator? I mean are you a narcissistic with a boderline personality and co? These are all mental illnesses and some help can be found if only you seek it in all genuiness.

If we don’t stop the cycle at some point be it as victims or propagators, then that is enabling and keeping the generations chained in that trauma. A hurt soul can only hurt another soul – until one finds light, love, peace and happiness through Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance; Self-Love; Self-Help; Self-Care … the brokeness continues

Some reflections from my searching soul… have a warm weekend

Roll out the Red carpet!!!Guest Post: Escaping the Nightmare


escaping-the-nightmare

Hello World; I know beyond reasonable doubt that consistent and engagind actions yield succulent fruits. Join me ye all gentle readers and followers of mine as I roll out the red carpet for my first guest post of the season: Ms Talasi Guerra of the epic blog Braver than BeforeRead on and tell for yourselves if the title of her guest post and even that of her blog don’t resonate with each of us in one way or the other.

talasi-guerra
Her smile is so sweet, I just had to put her picture here for more effect as we read on

Have you ever had that nightmare where you are desperately trying to run away from something or someone, but no matter how hard you strain, you just can’t get your body to move fast enough? It’s like there are these invisible wires attached to all of your limbs, pulling you in the opposite direction as you exert all of your energy to move ahead one inch at a time. While you don’t know exactly what the danger is, you are certain that it is just behind you and ready to pounce at any moment! And in your mind, you are running away with all your might! But in reality, you are moving more slowly than a weary sloth.

I’ve had this dream many, many times in my life. It is such a frustrating and disconcerting dream to wake up from. And though I have never made the connection until this moment, I think that living with anxiety is almost exactly like living in this nightmare.

When you live with anxiety, it is like there is this mysterious danger constantly looming over you, coming at you from every direction. Fear kicks in and tells you that you must run in order to survive, but you simply can’t move. Sometimes it seems that the harder you try to get away, the more stubbornly your body refuses to cooperate.

And yet somehow, though you can barely move at all, the negligible progress you are making depletes almost all of your energy. It is all you can do to survive at this point, never mind trying to dodge the danger. But giving up is not an option either. You can’t stop trying to run or the threat will catch up to you and you will face certain destruction. So you are stuck in a state of constant torment—the battle between the danger you perceive and your inability to escape this approaching doom.

I’ve lived like this for most of my life. It is an exhausting existence. Always running; always trying to escape. But quite frankly, I am tired of running. I am tired of attempting escape when I don’t have the energy to move. I am tired of fighting with a peril that I can’t even identify.

So that’s it then. It’s time for me to turn around and face the danger. It’s time for me to look this thing in the eye and say, “No. I’m not going to run from you anymore.” And something tells me that when I do—when I finally stand up to it—it will lose a little bit of its power. Each time I take a stand, it will lose a little bit more, and a little bit more, until the tables finally turn and it becomes the one on the run. In that moment, I will be the one chasing it… until it is gone forever!

About Talasi

Talasi Guerra is the Director of Children and Family Ministries and Graphic Designer at First Baptist Church in Lloydminster, Canada. She loves to write, travel, and create. Follow Talasi on twitter @talasiguerra. We are welcome to her blog where she invite us to Journey with her through the day-to-day mess of anxiety and fear as she seek to cultivate courage each and every day. She is a fighter and survivor, and although she battled an eating disorder for 7 long damn years, it’s now 10 years she escaped from that nightmare – Amen!!!

Ahead of my 38th Birthday: My Gift to You with gratitude


contemplative-me-all-the-way
I got the best photgrapher for this one

 

Hello World,

The above pictures show a now, and all the years back … I love them both. In the meantime, what has that lady done with her life so much that she can offer you a gift of it? She has made several interesting twists and turns leading to discoveries which made her loathe herself more before finally loving herself whole. It is one of the memoirs in which I record some of my greatest fears in life and how I have learnt to face them throughout the years thanks in large part to life’s lessons and my shaggy self, which I am offering to you.

Kindle_border
What’s the Worst Case Scenario…

From the 18th of January – my birthday, to the 22nd of January, my fourth and toughest memoir to write, will be free on amazon kindle. I bet you it’ll make a good read. I also hope it’ll convey my gratitude to you all who have in one way or the other impacted me on my earthly journey. It also in total gratitude to my Almighty Father and Mother Nature, that I keep writing and sharing and appreciating and reading and loving and living. I once asked how many times one outght to say thank you, glad I got no answers for I know I’ll always do love saying thank you over and again.

So, without much ado, get your free kindle apps and get set to download this modest gift of mine to you. Tell your friends and family who may be interested in reading such a memoir, it’s also my modest contribution to mental health advocacy – shaming the stigma to be candid.

I know many people wish me well, I wish someone who reads this will go out of their way to honestly tell me what they think about it… it could generously be via a review on the amazon (such a big gift for me), or even here on my blog; whichever suits you. All I really want to say by this post and gesture is THANK YOU – because saying that has never gotten any ackward for me 🙂

Book Review: Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant


peace-from-broken-pieces

Hello world, My Biological clock is ticking (turn 38 next week by Grace); and peace is my number one top priority at all times now. I admit to having several broken pieces in my life – heck still do so much and they sometimes just poke up and make me bawl my eyes out all over again. I was thus very excited to pick up this other soulful memoir by Iyanla Vanzant one of my all time favorite – No nonsense authors. I mean, I cried again when I read one of her other power books titled Yesterday I Cried – Here, you can find my review of that one. I have had it for almost two years now but I guess it wasn’t time for a review. I even mentioned the book in my own personal journey to uncovering the source of my peace.

When I look at my notes from the book, I can share some of the most poignant I made:

  1. …I didn’t know anything about rebound relationships. I didn’t know that it takes a respectable amount of time for one person to get over another person and come to a place of completion… (Neither did I and it’s barely 3 months I finally knew and got there);
  2. …One powerful lesson I learned from him was that just because a man is a good man, it does not mean that he knows how to be a good partner ( my comment on that note says it all: woah, similar to what l wrote about mine);
  3. When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become a whole anything. (very high chances I think too);
  4. Unworthiness always puts you in debt to anyone and everyone who shows you the slightest degree of attention or love or energy. Eventually, in this form of bankrupt relationship, your benefactors will demand or expect more than you are able or willing to give. This is the precise moment they will choose to call in the loan; (I can relate 99.99%);
  5. When you do not believe that who you are and what you do is good enough, that message will contaminate everything you do. When doubt is present in your consciousness it indicates a much more profound problem. It is a story that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do and do not deserve in life. Your personal lie is a function of all of the broken pieces of your puzzle—all of the elements of your history, all of your experiences, all that you have been taught about yourself merging with all that you have made up about yourself. 

And now three lessons she shared which helped her find peace amidst all those broken pieces

  1. Until and unless you know that you are enough just the way you are, you will always be driven to look for more. Knowing that you are enough is a function of consciousness. Your enough-ness develops in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your true identity. Until you wholeheartedly believe in your own worth, in spite your of accomplishments and possessions, there will be a void in your Spirit. I had more than a void. (here is my comment: this is what l wanted);
  2. When you are starting your life over, with a new sense of self, who you once were is going to challenge you. Who you once were is going to dangle old carrots, old wounds and issues, in front of your face. When that happens, you will be tempted to revert to old feelings, old patterns of thought, and old patterns of behavior. When, however, you have made up your mind that the old you is dead and buried, when you have embraced a certain level of clarity about who you are and are not, as well as who you are choosing to be, you have a different response;
  3. “When you can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain, you know it is healed.” (I got there Amen)

This really is the best way I can review this book – I broke down again so sourly two days ago, and bawled myself to instant sleep just where I was – I got up and with so much unconditional love and support – I decided to stick by the new response to ME and my Life. A big gratitude among others to Iyanla Vanzant and memoirs of hers like this one. I can’t rate this book any less than a 5/5: written in such down to earth english – so personal – so fine to read without a break.

About the Author

iyanla-vanzant

There isn’t anything I can say about Iyanla which isn’t everywhere and I mean including on O. here is a snipet from her website:

“What I have learned from all of the difficulties in my own life is that human beings have very thick skin. I call that skin, spirit, our Highest Most Powerful self. Spirit is the key to everything we desire. It is our weather-proofing, our Teflon, our line of credit that assures if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day; there will be a miraculous payoff.”

Visit her website and there you’ll find all the links you need to that great woman described as: ” one who embodies a no-nonsense approach in her message and teaching style. Outspoken, fiery, transparent, truthful, and sage-like”.

I know where you are coming from…


Are you sad;

Are you troubled;

Are you anxious;

Are you nervous;

Are you overwhelmed;

Are you outright scared?

I know where you are coming from!!!

Have you been abused;

Assaulted and raped;

Have you lost a child;

Maybe even more than one;

And a love, you thought was your life?

I know where you are coming from!!!

Were you mocked;

You were so fat; 

Were that skinny;

Looked like a full misery;

You felt despised and despicable;

Tried to belong to no avail;

I know where you are coming from!!!

Have you lost your faith;

Lost your mind or so it seemed;

Thought suicide was your fate;

Just going on with the motions;

Caring less about basic notions;

I know where you are coming from!!!

Have you hung out with the bad boys;

Appeared so weird yet felt safe;

Have you lost it all;

In your flight to freedom;

Abandoning it all to the universe;

Before the enlightenment visited?

I know where you are coming from!!!

Because I do know where you are coming from;

Because I have loved and lost and buried;

Because I have been abused and raped and rescued;

Because I have fought and fled and found;

I know where you are coming from!!!

Relax Girl: Dedicated to all who struggle especially single mother


H.E Portia Simpson Miller PM of Jamaica and I
H.E Portia Simpson Miller PM of Jamaica and I: She told me that when I was so nervous and fidgity around her – mind not that smile

In November 2013, I was working for an organization for Women In Parliament and had a great boss – but the rest of team made it clear I was Despicable… I worked my whole self out there in my tasks as the ‘Regional Manager for Africa’, and got this autograph and more from my boss to boost me some… One of the most awesome things which happened to me there was the opportunity to meet some of my heroines in person and get to chat for even 5 minutes with them. On one single day, I met these 3 power women and that day was oh my…

Dlamini Zuma of the AU, Portia S. Miller of Jamaica, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia
Dlamini Zuma of the AU, Portia S. Miller of Jamaica, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia

This morning, I am feeling both low and overwhelmed. It’s kind of weird I don’t feel like replying to calls or text messages, but I am happy to blog. I acknowledge the therapeutic effects of blogging to my mind and it is indeed a corner stone of my Me Moments

I dedicate this short poem to all of us struggling from whatever that maybe, but especially to the single parents with fragile mental healths

Relax Girl

When it all seems like it’s crushing anytime soon

When you can’t put your hands on what’s going on

When you seem not to be cleaning hard enough

When the meals will apparently not be ready on time

When the kids are so uncorperative or so it seems

When you just want to smack and send them off

When you are freaked out you might miss the trip

When you just keep buying and buying while no earnings come in

When you seemingly don’t know or trust someone to talk to

When you think at your age you are sure a failure

When you really think you might be better off dead

When the negative thoughts and actions seem to outweigh the positives

Please remember to first of all:

Relax Girl

P.S: I feel much better now, I am going to fix myself breakfast and come start with my day’s task – hopefully before the boys are back a meal will be ready or there probably is some leftover in the fridge. Thanks to my readers and followers and I sincerely wish us all well

I am always honoured and humbled by such, and just can’t stop writing and advocating


BTS_Cover

What a review, so honest and yet warming:

By Valerie Caraotta TOP 1000 REVIEWER on August 12, 2015 
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This memoir by Marie Abanga depicts her life mixed with tragedies and successes with the ultimate resolution that a bitter past did not have to define who she is today. As Marie shares her rocky past with a narcissistic father it would play a role in her decision-making and eventual fate of her brother.

Divorce of her parents, while living with her mother, she would coax a man into marrying her to escape home life. “I was sick and tired of living the way I was and thought that marriage could be my refuge. ” while she flew into the arms of the first man who caught her attention in 2004 the repercussions were immense. Physical abuse and his emotional neglect to teach her a lesson in submissiveness would spiral her into extra marital affairs. A pervading question would engulf her: “How could I coax a man into marrying me and not be able to get him to come along emotionally? ”

She would exit the marriage and leave her kids with her mother. Her hopes of a dream job in Dubai would not come to fruition. Marie Abanga would get a life coach, study International Law at Kent university in Brussels and moved in to a man’s apartment she met from and online dating site.

Today things look different in her outlook but not before she suffered major depression, suicide tendencies and the death of her brother to mental illness. This is one of three books to her credit with each memoir shedding pieces of her life. Her coach and friends have helped along the way. A graduate degree in addition to her being a lawyer, she serves as a consultant today in Belgium.

If you enjoy reading memoirs and stories of trials and obstacles overcome then this book I would recommend.